Blame Is The Magnifying Glass That Distracts Us
Do you ever find yourself blaming people, places or a thing for the conditions in your life? Which in turn seems to create drama wherever you go or do you find it hard to take responsibility for your role in the situation?
If so, this metaphor could help.
When things go ‘wrong’ it’s very human to want to assign blame – we think this helps us understand what happened and move forwards. And who doesn’t feel better ‘knowing’ the cause – especially if it’s someone else!
But in reality, although assigning blame helps us feel better, it also prevents us from seeing where we contributed to the situation. As long as it’s someone else’s fault, how can we empathize and have compassion for others?
How can we prevent the problem arising again in the future? This is why drama always seems to find the same people.
The Blame Game
Blaming and judging others leads to “The Magnifying Glass Effect”. This is where we get really busy focusing on other people’s shortcomings – and the more we look, the more we notice. What a fabulous way to avoid looking at ourselves!
We all know that situations are rarely just one person’s fault. Even where one person is ‘in the wrong’ the ‘wronged’ person will have done something – perhaps they ignored or allowed behaviors, gave off signals that were misunderstood, or perhaps they themselves misinterpreted or over-reacted to something.
It’s only as we learn to take responsibility for ourselves, our lives and our feelings that drama is avoided and relationships get simpler and easier.
[color-box]Grab your complimentary worksheet to identify what you need to release HERE[/color-box]
So, when you start blaming or judging others, use this powerful metaphor, “Pick up the Mirror, not the Magnifying Glass.” Then, ask yourself questions like:
- How did I contribute to this situation? Where can I see that something I did or did not do made the situation worse for myself?
- If I were to relive the situation as someone who takes FULL responsibility for my actions and feelings, what do I notice?
- What signals could I have given to others (either explicitly or implicitly) that contributed to the situation?
- Where could I be more forgiving and understanding?
- What would I do differently next time?
And this isn’t about blaming ourselves…it’s about taking an honest look at what actually happened and owning our part in it. Not to then blame or judge ourselves – but to learn and grow.
In life we cannot avoid other people doing things that hurt, endanger or upset us. But when we blame others, we isolate ourselves. We leave no room for empathy, compassion, understanding and resolution…and that just reinforces the inner judge inside each of us.
So, this metaphor is a great way to challenge yourself – help you let fate, karma or life, deliver the appropriate lessons for others. Because it’s by helping you focus on yourself that you truly learn from your experiences – and grow in wisdom, kindness and compassion.
If you struggle with letting go of blame then the information in Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior will help. You can pick up your copy HERE.
