Reasons to Develop Personal Boundaries
Personal boundaries consist of mental, emotional, and physical limits we create to separate our thoughts, feelings, and self from the feelings and thoughts of those around us. The purpose in establishing personal boundaries is to shield ourselves from infringement, manipulation, or exploitation by others.
Forms of Personal Boundaries
Boundaries apply in several areas:
- Sexual boundaries are used to guard your left of comfort regarding sexual activity and touch. You determine the when, what, and where as well as with whom.
- Physical boundaries include personal space, your body, and privacy. You may hug one person and shake the hand of another. Personal boundaries are reflected by your feelings about actions such as locked doors, nudity, or a loudly played radio or television.
- Mental boundaries encompass your opinions, thoughts, and values. Are you gullible? Is it difficult to keep your opinions or understand what you believe? Do you listen to the opinions of others with an open mind or are you inflexible? Highly emotional, defensive, or argumentative reactions may indicate weak emotional boundaries.
- Emotional boundaries can be described as a barrier that separates your emotions from those of others. When they are healthy, those boundaries stop you from blaming others, giving advice, or accepting blame. They also protect you from taking comments personally and a feeling of guilt because of someone else’s problems or negative feelings. Weak emotional boundaries are indicative of high reactivity. Let lucid internal boundaries help you recognize your responsibilities to others as well as yourself, and permit a better understanding of your feelings.
- Spiritual boundaries are formed by your experiences and beliefs regarding a higher power, such as God.
- Material boundaries define a level of ownership in which you decide whether to lend or give things like your vehicle, food, and cash.
How to Identify Unhealthy Personal Boundaries
- Expecting your needs to be automatically filled by others.
- Touching a person without asking.
- Feeling guilty or uncomfortable about saying “no”.
- Going against personal values or rights so you can please others.
- Falling apart to get positive attention.
- Deciding you love someone you barely know.
- Allowing others to define you.
- Permitting advances when you don’t want them.
- Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.
- Taking as much as you can for the sake of taking.
- Not objecting when you are treated poorly.
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Recognizing Healthy Personal Boundaries.
- Mind Shift
Start with the mind shift that it is OK to have personal boundaries. This is a completely acceptable, necessary tactic for healthy associations rather than a sign you are unloving or selfish. Self-worth arrives when you define your life how you want it rather than relying on an interpretation of identity or acceptance from others.
- Define
Consider your relationships with others and ways you’ve tolerated being taken advantage of. It’s possible that you are accepting situations that you find unacceptable. Note the actions that interfere with your emotional and physical space and are no longer acceptable. Define what you believe so you have a clear picture of the way you want to live.
- Communicate
Meet relatives, friends, and acquaintances who have crossed your personal boundaries. Convey your mind shift in a kind way. Explain that you’ve thought about suitable, essential behavior as well as unsatisfactory behavior that you will no longer tolerate. Request that they show consideration for your boundaries by supporting them.
- Anticipate
Anticipate that talking over your personal boundaries is going to be a difficult, uncomfortable conversation. In fact, expect some of the statements to be repelled as well as some defensiveness by the people with whom you’re speaking. It’s a typical reaction, and they’ll accept the new boundaries down the road. Acquaintances may walk away because your new stance demands respect. You don’t need or want the acquaintance of this type of person. They’ll be replaced by the new friends you attract who are supportive, healthy-minded, and respect your position. Avoid compromising your integrity, self-respect, and values to maintain contact. It will drain the nourishment from your soul.
- Reinforce
Allow time for everyone to adapt to the new boundaries. Be certain to reinforce your personal boundaries and honor those of others in order for your expectations to be respected and taken seriously. Rehearse saying “no” confidently to any request that falls outside of your personal boundaries. Develop an action plan to put into motion when someone crosses your boundaries. Tell them how they are infringing and request they stop right away. If they fling back negative comments, walk away rather than giving in or getting mad. It might take a while, but the other person will eventually realize you are sincere in what you are asking. At the same time, you are reinforcing your determination.
- Reward
Motivate the people who respect your request by acknowledging their behavior. Reward them by thanking them for respecting and supporting your perspective, adding a positive impact to your life.
- Reciprocate
An essential part of respecting boundaries is adhering to the process yourself. Carefully review the way you speak to and behave towards others to confirm you are not crossing their boundaries. Concentrate on changing your behavior so you demonstrate the support and respect you want others to show you.
- Remain Flexible
Healthy boundaries should not be rigid boundaries. The goal of establishing personal boundaries does not involve a calculating or overbearing attitude. The goal reflects a nourishing relationship with anyone important to you. It is balanced by give-and-take, mutual support and understanding. Be flexible enough to expand your boundaries and allow the line to be crossed when needed. Someone might be feeling blue, seeking positive feedback, or humbly request a favor. This is the occasion to demonstrate kindness and love. Gaining confidence with your boundaries teaches you to be flexible when it is time to extend their limits.
- Be Patient
Change will take a while if you’ve had fragile personal boundaries for some time. Be patient as you disengage from beliefs and emotions that supported weak boundaries. Reaffirm your position by recognizing and challenging ideas that interfere with how you set boundaries. Seek help from a counselor if it becomes overwhelming. Request respect for your boundaries even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
- Believe
Recognize your value. Believe that you are a distinctive individual and worthy of respect and love. Have confidence in the intuition that acknowledges the things you want from life as well as what should be excluded. Believe in your ability to define who you are and the things you crave, instead of letting others define them for you. Rehearse self-love and self-confidence until you realize it is an inherent quality. It is easier to achieve by requiring and setting personal boundaries.
Fear will decrease substantially as you establish and incorporate personal boundaries. Conveying your self-esteem to the people near you will result in confidence and empowerment. Grasp the strength of your boundaries to allow additional respect, love and support into your life.
If you feel you need help is defining and or holding strong to your personal boundaries request your Introductory Consultation today!
