How To Be A Master of Midlife

Many people have heard about a midlife crisis. When I hear this phrase I think of men with good jobs and a solid marriage that begin to make lavish purchases and cheat on their wives once they reach the age of 40. These men may seem like they are acting like spoiled children and are not happy with their lives. They do not think about their partner or their children. The female in the relationship usually has to be the one to fix everything.

When speaking of midlife we are talking about the ages of 40 to 60. Around five percent of men begin to experience a midlife crisis. According to a poll by Gallup around 50 percent of men in this age group reported they were having or had a midlife crisis. These feelings have brought them shame. Men begin to have self-doubts and regrets. They feel they cannot talk to their partner about these feelings and they need some space. A man will not speak of this at work because he does not want to ruin his career. He may feel like he is stuck.

If you are a middle-aged man and have feelings of dissatisfaction you are not alone and your feelings are normal. There is a special coaching program that was made for your needs and the needs of other men with the same feelings.

Mastering Midlife

 In 1965, Elliot Jaques who is a psychologist had an article published in the International Journal of Psychoanalysis. This article was called “Death and the Midlife Crisis.” This article showed how adults thought that their own mortality and how much time they had left in their life. Gail Sheehy added to this article in her 1976 book called Passages.

 The term midlife crisis often refers to when men hit to reach the ages of 35 to 65 and they have self-doubts and question how their life has turned out.

 There are some common behaviors that can be used to describe a midlife crisis They include:

• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Buying toys such as a motorbike, boats, sports cars, and other gadgets
• Getting a tattoo or piercing
• Depression
• Remorse at specific events
• Improving physical appearance such as baldness and wearing more youthful clothing
• Entering relationships with young people
• Put pressure on their children to become successful and excel

 Studies have shown that many people are happy in their 40s and midlife crisis for males is not regarded in a positive light. There are some reasons behind this”

• Young men need to develop a career, find a life partner, and start a family. They need to get a job and promotions, find a partner, and purchase a home. Most men will say they are doing fine and this may not always be the truth. To a man, if they admit anything less they are showing weakness. When a man reaches midlife he can joke about things rather than say he is feeling depressed, having marriage issues, and other things that may be affecting his life.
• Men at this stage may not enjoy social gatherings. They may not be up to date with the changing values. If a man says that he is having a midlife crisis his behavior is more likely to be understood.
• Men that are having a midlife crisis will not be tolerated in the world of business. They want workers that will complete the tasks and not men that are feeling sorry about themselves.
• Advertisers also reach out to these men. They want men to buy toys and will show them how they will be happy.

When a man has a midlife crisis he needs to get through this time in order to continue on with his life. Family and friends may laugh at this behavior and they may have the patients until the man is able to return to normal.

A midlife crisis should be called midlife transition or midlife passage. When boys are turning into men the term crisis is not used. The change is going to be permanent. The same thing is true for men when they reach midlife. They need to adjust so they can enjoy the second half of their life.

If you are having trouble with midlife then you should not view this as a crisis. You need to use this as an opportunity to grow and change.

Dangers of Midlife Crisis

 This transition can be dangerous at times. There is a shame that is associated with a midlife crisis.

• Depression-men feel like they are losing their youth. Depression is common during this time.
• Relationships-families can suffer at this time as men are displaying uncomfortable feelings. Some may also develop alternative relationships.
• Career- men may become rebellious at work and they may regret some of the decisions they are making.
• Isolation-men may feel alone and confused at this period in their life.
• Risks-men may engage in risk-taking behaviors and may use drugs, get dangerous cars, and deny their age.

 During this time I feel you should take them to reflect on their life and delay any decisions that they may want to make.

 Mastering Midlife

 The Masters of Midlife Coaching Program will focus on personal development. This program is for men ages 35 to 55 and can help them with everyday activities and will help them reflect on the second half of their lives.

 The program can be delivered on an individual basis or in a group setting.

 This program is designed for men that may be experiencing any of the following behaviors:

• A loss of direction
• A feeling they are at a crossroad in life
• A feeling that their time is running out
• Dissatisfaction with their career
• Changes in their relationships
• Feelings of regret

 What approach does this program use?

 The program is based on the believes that:

• People are basically good and are looking to make the world a better place
• Each person has their own perspective on the world and they have a unique set of skills to share with the world.
• We each live our own lives and understand the changes and adjustments that we need to make.

 This reading is based on the 17 stages of Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey and uses the wisdom from the Rites of Passages.

 The Rites of Passage have been around for thousands of years and is a ceremony takes shows the transition from one life into the other. An example of this today would be going from being single to getting married. There are christenings, retirement parties, and birthdays that celebrate this. The Rites of Passage are popular around the world, more so than in the United States.

 Having a Rite of Passage at midlife marks a transition and celebration to the second half of life. There are three stages that are part of this transition.

• Separation- this helps us reflect on the first half of our lives and accept that we are about to enter the second phrase.
• Transition- we need to focus on how our experiences made us the person that we are. We can look to answer some questions in life.
• Reincorporation- we can use our wisdom to map out the second part of our life and allow us to enjoy it.

 This support does not have to be religious but rather help us enjoy all of our life.