Trusting For Peak Performance – Part 2
Welcome back!
In Part 1 of Trusting For Peak Performance we discussed what is a trusting space, how happens when trust is absent as well as the Will Rogers test.
Today we’re going to go over…
Building Trust Over Time
If there is one thing that we know about trust, it is that it must be earned, not demanded. A trusting space begins with rapport between you and your “partner” (remember in part1 we defined a partner as anyone of significance in your life, i.e. coworker, client, spouse, customer, friend or family member, etc).
Building rapport is just the beginning to achieve personal peak performance. The trusting space is then built up over time as you engage a range of strategies to continue to build trust between you and your partner. This doesn’t mean, however, that you can never make a mistake. We all make mistakes and you are on your own learning and growth journey, just as your partners are.
It does mean, however, that when you make a mistake, you are honest about this; the mistake is acknowledged, and then both you and your partner move on. The perception that you are human and make mistakes does not, in itself, destroy trust.
The perception that you lack the skills or integrity to identify and manage your own mistakes is sure to.
Contemplation
- Have you had a relationship of trust in your life?
- What were the particular features that allowed you to trust that person?
- Why is trust so important to learning?
- Why is it important to acknowledge your own mistakes?
- What are some ways that you can build a trusting space with your partners?
Coaching
For me and many others, the principle of trust underpins the approach to coaching. Clients believe that the coach’s first and most important obligation is to create a “trusting space” for their clients in which to develop. The trust between coach and client can be described as the “bandwidth” of coaching, the greater the bandwidth, the greater to chance to reach personal peak performance.
An Open Mind
One of the main requirements for creating a trusting space is an open mind and a non-judgmental attitude on the part of you. In coaching, it is often said that the coach determines the process but the client determines the content of the sessions.
The client always sets the coaching agenda, as does your “partner”. You “partner” may come from a background that is very different from yourself or may have made different life choices.
In coaching, these will have an impact on the agenda that the client outlines; what personal goals they set; what values they wish to live in alignment with; and which skills they want to develop.
For me, the aim of coaching is for my client to be their best self for personal peak performance. It is up to them to decide what this better self looks like, not me, not their friends, or not their family.
It is up to me to listen to and validate their desire for a better self, even if it is not what I would want in my own life, or have thought of as the best thing for them.
This is important to remember when you are creating a trusting space for your “partner.”
Stober refers to this attitude as “unconditional positive regard.” Often the client’s personal goals and the goals that the coach thinks would work best for them are the same. This makes coaching easy and can be applied to assisting your “partner.”
However, sometimes the goals are not the same, and when they are not, your “partner” is still entitled to set the agenda. It can be a challenge to assist someone through the end of a marriage if you feel strongly about the sanctity of marriage, and believe they would be happier in the long run if they kept their marriage together.
It can be a challenge to assist someone through giving up a highly paid and powerful job, if you think it sounds fantastic to you and the career they want sounds risky or boring.
In my case, this is where coaching becomes more complex and I must engage all of my listening and empathizing skills. When these situations occur, it is beneficial for me to work through these challenges myself with my own coach. As a coach I must suspend my own judgments in a coaching relationship in order to build trust.
And you must do the same with your “partners.”
Support and Challenge
Another way to create a trusting space is by balancing the need to support with the need to challenge. If you only provide support, the “parent” may be prevented from growing and developing at a rate that brings them true satisfaction and personal peak performance.
They may even feel patronized. If you only challenge, you may be in danger of damaging you “partners” sense of self worth. People often expect to be challenged; however, even the highest functioning and resilient of human beings needs strong encouragement and emotional support to respond to challenges.
A skilled coach can carefully manage the “two-way street of support and challenge” (Ting and Riddle, 2006). They listen attentively to the effect that their words have on their client.
The following description of the coaching environment powerfully paints a picture of a trusting space where challenge and support are effectively balanced that you can use in building a trusting environment.
“When you confront me, I can trust that you are pushing me to think beyond my existing paradigms, not trying to blame or hinder me. When you ask me to explain my reasoning, I can trust that you will not use my answer against me but will help me seek higher levels of performance…..my mistakes will be treated as learning opportunities – steps on the path of accomplishment, not failures.” (Bianco-Mathis, Nabors and Roman, 2002)
My goal as coach is to have my clients feel this way about me, so that I can challenge them in ways that build their sense of self so that they can reach personal peak performance,
Trust and Ethics
To create a trusting space, you must operate ethically at all times. Operating ethically includes maintaining confidentiality, preparing for and focusing on the intervention or “assisting” session. It also means coaching and assisting from the heart and being prepared to walk away from the relationship if this is in the best interest of your “partner.”
In my coaching, my clients need to trust that my primary motivation is a desire for them to reach their full potential and peak performance. As their coach, I need to constantly ask myself whether I am acting in the best interests of my clients or whether other considerations are impacting the coaching relationship.
This is a good point to reflect upon in your relationships with your “partners.”
These considerations might be the need to maintain a certain income, the desire to build up a business, the wish to avoid failure or to avoid “letting someone down”, or the desire to influence the person in a direction that they don’t want, but that we want for them.
A person with mental strength is not afraid to reflect on their own motivations and is prepared to act if any of their motivations are impacting their “partner” getting the most out of the relationship.
Creating a trust space requires openness and honesty with yourself and with your partners. Building on trust is doing this on an ongoing basis. Trust grows, it strengthens relationships and empowers both parties. Creating and building trust is a privilege in getting to know someone and getting to know more about ourselves.
Reflection
- Why do you have to be able to trust yourself in order to build a trusting space?
- How do you think you could handle coaching someone whose goals are not the same as what you would want for them?
- How could you let a “partner” set the agenda but still be true to yourself?
- What is the relationship between ethics and trust?
I hope enjoyed and got something out of these two posts. If you’d like to experience a trusting environment so that you grow personally and reach your peak performance request your Introductory Consultation today HERE.
References
- Biano-Mathis, V., Nabors, L. & Roman, C., (2002), Leading from the inside out, Sage Publications, California.
- Goleman, Daniel, 1996, Emotional Intelligence, Why it Can Matter More Than IQ. Bloomsbury, London
- Stober, Dianne, “Coaching from the Humanistic Perspective”, in Stober, Dianne and Grant, Anthony (eds), 2006
- Evidence Based Coaching Handbook, John Wiley and Sons, New Jersey Ting, Sharon and Riddle, Doug.
- “A Framework for Leadership Development Coaching”, in Ting, Sharon and Scisco, Peter (eds) The CCL Handbook of Coaching, 2006, Jossey-Bass, SanFrancisco
