The Difference Between Responsibility And Fault
There are common things I hear in my coaching practice. 
“It’s not my fault that I can’t lose weight. If I wasn’t so busy at work I could make time to cook better.”
“It’s not my fault I lost the sale. If the customer would have replied to my request I could have made the presentation.”
When I point out something negative, they instinctively question if I believe they are at fault. The answer, is no. But It is their responsibility.
Responsibility and fault are not the same thing.
You do need to understand the differences between both of them.
Fault suggests that you are the cause for the situation. It is your ego or wounded self that believes you have control over other. Be it their behavior or feelings and you have control on the outcome of things. The reason is the wounded self is someone who is deeply devoted to control people and the events, in order to feel safe.
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You believe that things are your fault, so you continue to behavior in a very specific manner. From here, guilt and shame begin to form and can consume you. You feel guilty because you believe you did something wrong. You feel shame, because you believe there is a flaw in you. All of these can cause damage to your psyche and while you need to accept some responsibility in life, this appears in other ways.
When you claim a divorce is your fault, that perhaps if you made different choices about working so much, so she left, you suggest your choices caused her choices. The truth is, not all women would leave because their husband is working. It is your responsibility that you choose to work and her responsibility she took for choosing to leave.
You see, your choices and responses to situations are your responsibility. But what happens outside of who you are, is never your fault.
When you believe you are at fault, it is a belief that you control others and the choices they make. This is how you become the victim. When you understand the difference between fault and responsibility, you can move forward with your life.
You see responsibility is the ability that allows you to respond. Every situation we face in life offers us a chance to respond. That response determines how we feel and what we find ourselves attracting to ourselves.
[color-box]I’ve created a short video about responsibility, you can view it HERE[/color-box]
According to Rick Ackerly, “Fault looks back, and responsibility looks forward.” He’s talking about how to think about the parent-teacher relationship in k-12 education.
He adds, “Taking responsibility for a relationship means having the attitude: “Sure, it takes two to tango. Sure, our relationship is a 50-50 relationship, but I am going to make it work. I take responsibility—full responsibility—100%-zero. I may not have caused this problem, but it is my job to do something about it. I have seen situations where the teacher is the problem, and the parent took responsibility for the relationship.”
When we take responsibility, it means we look at a problem directly in its face. Then we make an attempt to solve them. When we avoid finding fault, you stop side stepping your problems. That can help you to get to the heart of an issue.
You should note that our responses in life come from two things. Either love or control. We have the ability to choose our intention, because of free will. Because of that we must take some responsibility for our actions and the positive or negative consequences that stem from them.
So the next time you start to say, “It is all my fault”, try to change the saying, “this is my responsibility”. You just might find you start to make different choices, when you are accepting responsibility for your actions.
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