Lightness vs. Seriousness – Part I

I’d like to thank ICA again for the help and inspiration with this topic

One of the things that disempowers us in life is the fact that we get too serious and then many things become a burned and obligation. Most of us could lighten up a bit, enjoy things more, and have more fun. It’s one thing many people say they regret not doing more of when confronted with death.

So, treating things like a game, even though some things may be really important to us, can free us up to enjoy more. This usually leads us to be more effective in the particular task we are involved in, anyway.

Here are some examples of how to shift from Seriousness to Lightness.

Lisa’s Story

Lisa was stressed at work about achieving her goals. Her sales were down from last quarter and her boss was very much a “bottom line” manager. During a coaching session, Lisa realized she was ultimately concerned about losing her job. Once she let this fear out, it didn’t hold up anymore. She realized that people with worse sales figures than hers were still around; and that she wasn’t going to lose her job despite poor sales figures. Lisa gained the freedom to relax. In fact, she created a game of exceeding her sales target by 20 percent, now knowing that missing it, wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Brenda’s Story

Brenda was getting discouraged because her efforts to find a new job were not becoming a reality. She was getting discouraged from all the rejections she was receiving. Her coached challenged her to turn her job search into a game and instead of looking for the “yes,” start scoring the “no’s.” Her job was to play the “no game.” The object of the game was to get as many no’s as possible.

Brenda now wanted to see how many rejections she could get — the aim being to get as many “no’s” as possible! She was no longer afraid of rejection because she had made rejection part of the game! If she got an interview then of course she was thrilled. If she got a “no” she could score another point on her “no game” tally sheet. Either way, Brenda was a winner and began to realize that every “no” would bring her closer to the “yes” she was looking for. The job search became a numbers game and not something personal.

ReFraming Failure

We’re all terrified of failing! We’ve been taught since birth that winning is good, and failing is bad. Well, what makes this true? Consider that the only true failure is not playing the game. By not playing, you continually avoid failure, but you neither loose nor win. The people who constantly fail while playing the game are winners because they are In Action. They are in the Game.

Thomas Edison failed thousands of times but would not give up. He told his friends that because he knew so many ways that did not work, he was closer than anyone else to making a discovery about what would work. Not being afraid to fail, gave Edison the freedom to turn inventing into a game where he focused on finding as many ways as possible what didn’t work. Did he fail 1,999 times and then succeed? On the other hand, was inventing the light bulb simply a 2,000-step process?

Another great story of how being in game can make a difference is the “3M story” and how this company came to create “post-it notes.” They were trying to create a glue that would have incredible sticking power, and instead created something that stuck but could easily be removed. They thought they had failed. Instead of giving up, they decided to put a sample of the product they developed together. Then, they gave it to one of the secretaries to see if there could be anything she could use it for. She loved it, shared it with all the secretaries she worked with, and they ordered cases of what now is one of 3M’s biggest sellers, the post-it notes. By making a game out of what seemed to be a failure, 3M was able to turn something that appeared to be a loss, into a huge gain for the company.

Lightening

When a difficult situation is at hand, a powerful question to ask is: “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Once this is realized, we can then decide what to do from there on. Once we know the worst, we can flow with the situation and create something different; knowing that if the worst does happen we can handle it.

It can be exciting to see how bringing game into a situation can bring such lightness. Creating a game can lift some of the burden and heaviness around any situation and make it seem less stressful. It doesn’t mean, it isn’t important, it just isn’t as heavy.

A great tool I use with clients to bring in the “lightening effect” is the Game of Life Program. This is a game that is set up so my clients can track whether they are bringing in game and thus lightening the situation; or allowing significance to slip in.

It could also provide perspective as to when and with whom the significance seems to be the strongest. Awareness is one of the first steps to Lightening. Using this tool almost always provides awareness. By tracking the situations where significance is playing a big role, we can begin to see a pattern. Once the pattern is discovered, we can take action towards changing that pattern and start to lighten the situation.

I Built a Bridge and Got Over It

I use to have hesitancy about telling people about my coaching, it was actually very significant. Marketing is fun for me, and as a new coach I knew marketing would be about 80 percent of what needs to be done in my first year. It did decrease a little but it will never go away (thank goodness). The truth is, I had to tell people what I do, I wasn’t lucky enough to have them knocking down my door.

But I brought a “lightness” to the situation by asking myself, “Do I have something to offer others.” The answer was a resounding YES!  Once I knew I had something to offer, I got out there and let others know I am available.

I’ve stopped trying to sell anyone on the idea of hiring me as their coach; I simply educated them on the concept of coaching.  I let people know that something like this is available to them when they’re ready.  I have become an ambassador for success coaching.

I created a game around seeing how many people I could let know about coaching. I simply made if my “job” to educate and inform as many people as possible without being attached to any results. Funny, when I “lightened” up light about it, more and more and people became interested and they begin to seek me out to learn more about coaching, and get coached.

Contemplation

• Begin a list of the 100 things you can offer in your business, title it “100 Things I offer as a ….” (and fill in what you do)
• Make a list of all the people you can contact about your business as an informational presentation (and remember…release any outcome)
• Make it a game to see how many info sessions you can give one week.

Action Steps

Select someone in your life you admire for being successful, while still enjoying life and not taking things too seriously.  Write down your thoughts in your success journal

• Why do people take life seriously?
• Ultimately, what are we concerned about?

1. Talk to people you know who don’t take life too seriously (significantly).
2. Make a list of five things you are significant about in your life right now.
3. How can you make these things more enjoyable without losing their importance?
4. Take three aspects from number 3 and have fun with them.
5. Put your answers in your success journal or come back here and share them in the comments section below the three things you choose, the game you created for each, and how it made you feel.
6. Practice lightening this week: Lighten a significant situation you have then share it with three people.
7. Contact someone who’s been significant and ask permission to ‘coach’ them on it.
8. List the areas where you already have game in your life, where you are light and free.
9. Notice drama this week: Where are you being dramatic in your life?

If you’d like some assistance with “lightening” things up please Contac Me

OK…what do you think?  I’d like to hear from you in the comments below.