Creating Awareness Through Mental Strength – Part III

In this final installment of creating awareness I’m going to get into some specific tips and techniques you can use that will assist in self awareness, personal success and personal empowerment.

Funny thing about awareness and perception, the simple fact of just being aware that you are aware enhances your awareness, you were aware of that weren’t you?  

Ways to Develop Self Awareness

• Write in a journal everyday so you can see patterns that emerge in your life.
• List your strengths and think about how you would like to develop them further.
• Employ a coach who will support you on your journey of self awareness, personal development and personal empowerment, and make sure tell them this is the goal of your coaching.
• Ask your friends and family to support you as you learn more about yourself. Ask them to share what they see are your strengths, your qualities, etc.
• Create an exercise schedule to keep you focused and healthy.
• Attend a workshop or read books on self awareness and personal development to find the approach you want to support you on your journey.
• List your goals for self awareness, and how what you need to achieve them.
• Meditate regularly asking yourself what you need to learn more about yourself.
• Connect with others who also value self awareness to support you.
• Sleep at least 8 hours every day and eat healthy replenishing foods.

Contemplation for Self Awareness

• Do you value self awareness and what does this mean to you?
• Do you believe you are on a pathway of self awareness and if yes, how do you know this?
• How comfortable do you feel about talking about yourself to others and how do you think these feelings reflect on your self awareness?

Coaching Application

One of the most valuable contributions that I make to my clients is to help them become aware of their behavior. One of the reasons that my clients work with me is because they want to encourage more positive things in their lives and they want to rid themselves of unhelpful behaviors that lead to negative effects. In order for my clients to change unhelpful behaviors they might need some support to actually see these behaviors in action. People also choose working with me on their self awareness because they recognize that asking for support is an important step. Having me as their coach requires my clients to speak out loud their thoughts, this stops the inner discussion that goes on in their mind and also the pattern of this discussion. As we all know our inner self talk can be quite critical and it also seems to go round and round in circles never moving us forward. It’s my aim is to question their “good intentions.” Talking out loud to me tells their inner self talk that they are no longer listening to it. A conversation out loud also requires my clients to speak their intent, to articulate their thoughts and this can be the first step to committing to a new way of doing something.  And this is a major step towards achieving their peak performance.

The Advice Trap

Most of us have had the experience of looking at another person’s life and thinking “if only they did ‘X’ their life would be so much better”. We might look at a friend and think, “If only she took better care of her appearance, she would feel so much more confident” or look at a partner and think “If only he would go to bed earlier, he would perform so much better at work”.

Maybe we look at the way others parent and think “they should be stricter with their child or she will never learn boundaries”. Firstly, no matter how well meaning the advice is, it serves to emphasize and underline a problem. The result is to make others feel guilty. When you feel guilty, your energy immediately goes into repelling those feelings of guilt, instead of focusing on a way forward.

Another problem with advice is that it implies judgment. Finally, the advice giver is not allowing the advice receiver to take responsibility for their own life. Advice givers believe they know better. My coaching is built on the belief that the solution is within my client. Only when my client owns the solution will a solution be achieved. My client will put the energy into creating a solution and will know what they need to do.

Using Powerful Questions

Powerful questions support my clients in stopping in their particular pathway of thought and looking at a situation from a different perspective. This creates a distance and so allows my clients to see a situation much easier. Powerful questions also support opportunities for growth and creativity. Asking questions support my client in knowing more about themselves and what they need to do and creates personal empowerment.

Effective Feedback or Outlining Observations

Another way I create awareness with my clients is through the use of feedback. Feedback is an observation. It is information that I have noticed, discerned, or are picking up from what they are saying. The difference between feedback and advice is that feedback is nonjudgmental. It is not based on opinion nor beliefs but rather on the moment of observation. Feedback never includes the words “you should”. Feedback helps my clients to realize that my listening is complete and real.

Effective feedback creates a kind of awareness that makes a difference in how one sees things. It provides insight, opens thought and expands vision. To give good feedback requires generosity on behalf of the coach. Feedback is always neutral and objective. When giving feedback, the greatest challenge one can have, is to really make a contribution that benefits the client. It involves giving up any judgments, opinions and even beliefs, about something or someone.

Feedback is neither positive nor negative. It is simply feedback. By stating what is or what is not from another perspective, may just help your client get an insight that they can use. Giving great feedback takes lots of practice and I would encourage you to use it daily. 

Another way to become skilled at giving feedback is to receive feedback yourself.  Being on the receiving end of feedback helps you to observe the ways that feedback can be phrased to make it the most effective. Feedback is where you offer a friend the observations you have made. I use this in almost every coaching session with my clients.

An example of this can be in the language my clients might use.  People are often unaware of the language they use. When I highlight the language used by my client it can help them to gain greater understanding of themselves. Sometimes a client may make the same statement about themselves over and over again but may not be aware that they are doing this. As their coach, I ask them if they would like to hear what they have been saying about themselves and repeat back to them their words. This is a very awareness creating exercise and assists them with their personal development. 

Some More Examples of Effective Feedback

To give feedback is to simply mirror back to a person the way we see it. For example, you may say to a friend, “I hear you are really angry about that, do you want to talk more about it?” There is no judgment here about the emotion being conveyed by the client. It is simply being noticed for the friend to evaluate the feeling and move forward.

If one of my clients shares a situation, I can offer to provide feedback by saying: “Would you like a different perspective?” Or perhaps say: “Can I share with you what I am getting from that?” Again, feedback is simply about sharing an observation without judgment.

Role-play and Feed Forward

Role-play is a very effective technique to create awareness with my clients, and you can use it with your friends and/or family.   It is particularly helpful when one of my clients is unsure how to have a conversation with someone; or has some fear around what to say and how to proceed. In this case, role-play becomes essentially a practice conversation. This is done so that my client can find some powerful and clear ways to communicate to resolve the situation. As their coach, I can provide them with effective feedback on what I observed, and you can do the same with your friends.

Reflection

• What is the purpose of feedback in a conversation or situation?
• What are three situations you might encounter in which role-play could be useful?
• How do you maintain your self awareness?

References for the entire series

Judith, Anodea, 1996, Eastern Body Western Mind, Celestial Arts, California.

I’d like to thank again my coaching school, ICA, for their inspiration and assistance with this topic.

The e-book, “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” has more specifics on becoming “aware” to achieve peak performance and personal success.

Now…let me know your thoughts so far in the comments below.