Why The Hell Did You Ask That Question?

One of the most interesting aspects in my coaching business is listening to clients, especially when they verbalize their self-talk.

As I have mentioned in many other posts our self-talk is SO power and so important.  One critical aspect about self-talk is that it gives your unconsciousness mind direction.

That is, if your self-talk is about how bad the day is, your unconsciousness mind will find all the reasons your correct…and all you’ll believe that it is a bad day.

Makes sense right?

Self-talk also takes the role of questions.  Questions give our unconsciousness mind very specific directions; questions give our unconsciousness mind a laser like focus.

When it comes to self-talk questions we can ask supportive questions or unsupportive questions.

When things aren’t going as planned many times we’ll ask unsupportive questions like:

• “Why does is this happening to me?”
• “What’s wrong with me?”
• “Why can’t I get more business?”

Again, at first blush these questions seem to be not so bad.  These types of self-talk questions are asked automatically; they just pop into your head.

I am sure your not even conscious of the question your was asking. They just bubbled up from your subconscious. But these are good examples of bad questions.

Questions are powerful mental strength tools. They can kindle faith and lead to new insights. They can also destroy hope and keep us stuck in bad assumptions.

The key is to be intentional and choose your questions well.

For example, when something bad happens, you could ask:

• Why does this always happen to me?
• What did I do to deserve this?
• What’s wrong with me?

Here’s the key I want you to really understand…I mean I really want you to get this!

As soon as you ask these types of questions, your brains go to work looking for the answers to support the question!  Your mind does NOT look for solutions. This is an automatic response.

Then the answers have a way of reinforcing the assumptions behind the question.

For example, if you ask “What’s wrong with me?” you are assuming there IS something wrong with you. Your mind immediately begins proposing possible answers.

Maybe your belief it that:

• You’re too old.
• You’re too young.
• You’re inexperienced.
• You’re overqualified.
• You’re too assertive.
• You’re too passive.

Whatever the question, the answers reinforce the underlying belief and provide an answer to support the excuse for why you are not getting the results you want.

But hold on…what if you asked a different type of question, a more empowering, mental strength question.

For example, you could ask:

• How can I move past this situation and learn from it?
• How can I find a solution to this?
• What are the good things about me so I can prosper?
• How can I see my apparent liabilities really be my biggest assets?

These are constructive questions. They empower and create new possibilities. They lead to action. And they will produce results.

The last question is particularly interesting. How could your apparent liabilities really be an asset?

For example, if you think you are too old, that could, in fact, be a tremendous asset. You have no doubt made a lot of mistakes and have learned from them. As a result, you have better judgment.

If you think you don’t have enough experience, which too could be a great asset. You aren’t locked into the same assumptions as more experienced candidates. It is easier for you to think “outside the box” and approach problems with a fresh perspective.

Here are five ways to ask better, more empowering questions:

• Become conscious of the questions you are asking yourself.

• Evaluate these questions: Is this a good question? If not, what’s a better one?

• Choose the better question. Be intentional.

• Ask more “how” questions than “why” questions.

• Write down the answers that your brain serves up. Act on these insights.

This whole process goes back to a premise I have written about many times:

If you want to change the results you are getting, you must change your thinking.

Everything—everything!—starts there.

Start to learn how to ask better questions and pick up a copy of Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior today!