Trust vs. Doubt Part I
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I’d like to thank my coaching school, International Coaching Academy for the help and inspiration on this topic.
“If all results are perfect, then it’s very difficult to make a mistake.”
What it’s like to live with trust or doubt?
Living with a feeling of trust gives one a sense of confidence and security that brings freedom to our life. It feels good, safe and liberating. People who come from a perspective of trust come from a place of personal empowerment. They have the mental strength to take action and get the results they desire; they generally have excellence in their personal performance. Living with a feeling of doubt, however, gives one a very different sense in life; and can be very disempowering. It can bring fear, insecurities and even cloud our thinking.
The good news is that doubt is not actually necessary in life, but trust is in order for us to live a healthy life. (Ironically though, when living in trust, results are not actually necessary!) Ultimately, it is our choice: we can bring about feelings of doubt or trust at any moment in our life. It all depends on our decision.
In this series of posts you will learn that you have access to trust at any given moment, despite any obstacles you may face.
The Source of Doubt
Doubt is produced by our judgments. If we believe there is a right way to behave, we will be concerned about behaving in the wrong way. If we believe certain things are good, we will be concerned about the bad and even about losing what is good.
Our way of thinking and how we judge someone or something, has an effect on how we perceive the world, people and ourselves. Some forms of judgments can have us doubt our decisions. For example, we may doubt we are in the right job, or doubt that things will “work out” for us after all. It is only possible to live like this if we entertain certain kinds of judgments. For instance, “It is only when I judge that living with no money is bad that I will worry about not making enough money.”
It starts with judging that something is not perfect, which will end up having an effect in our life. It will affect the way we think, feel, and respond to others and even ourselves. In the above example, when we judge, or believe, that having no money is wrong, it is this perspective in mind that will make us believe that we will not have an abundance of money and make us feel worried. We will be in a state of mind to feel doubt or concern.
On the other hand, if we were able to give up our judgment “that having no money is wrong,” (which would bring about a disastrous experience) and instead, create a new perspective, the results could be different. For example, if we took a new look such as “having no money could be just right for us, right now,” then we could allow ourselves to enter the world of trust. By doing so, we can open up our thinking to possibilities which we have never thought before.
By claiming trust in our life we can bring about results and take a better, freeing attitude towards challenges. To trust means to liberate you from limitations. It opens your mind to see possibilities; it helps you to get “out of the limitation” and perceive solutions.
Trust even allows you to feel safer, confident, hopeful, and freer in life.
Contemplation I
- Take out a piece a paper wand write the following questions and answers on it.
- Describe two issues in your life right now that are a problem. (For example, you live next to a noisy neighbor, there is lack of funds or there is an annoying colleague.)
- Add to this list one area of your life where you have a concern.
- What is the underlying judgment that makes each of these a problem and a concern?
The Key to Trust: Perfection
Who are you to judge that something is actually imperfect?
Where did you get that idea or perspective from?
Was it from someone “who told you so” or the way you were taught to think?
We live and think like there is a good and bad side to everything. We believe in a reality which has everything defined as “true or false.” We live life as if we were “programmed” to think much like a computer is programmed to compute information. We live “conditioned” to think right from wrong and wrong from right.
We are sometimes so inundated with unclear thinking of what is right, or wrong, that we live in constant doubt. This doubt can make us become fearful to the point of making us think that we will end up on the “wrong” side of things instead of the “right.”
Can life be any better than this?
Sure it can!
We just need to think better!
How to realize: Perfection
It may be a stretch for you to think that something you have hated or feared your entire life could actually be seen in a different way. If we invert things we get the opposite. For example, the opposite of hatred is love. The opposite of fear is clarity.
Within that hatred can we perceive love?
How about loving more to break the hatred?
If there is fear, can we define the fear so we can clearly reason it out?
The way to perceive a perfect life is to allow yourself to reach a new perspective in life. It is to allow ourselves the opportunity to think better; to see life as something potentially perfect. When we demand from ourselves to see perfection, we allow our vision to open up so we can get the results we are really aiming for in life.
Therefore, one technique that can help you is to look for the possible advantages found in whatever you feel is imperfect. Ask yourself:
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What good do you think can come out from this experience?
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What lessons can we learn from such an experience?
The Antagonist
Another great way to see perfection is to appreciate the Antagonist. Take a look at this list of circumstances which has the potential to antagonize our life:
- Losing our job
- Failing an exam
- Breaking up a relationship
- A loss in the family
- Being too short
- Being too fat or too tall
- Not being smart enough;
- Having a big nose
- Feeling lonely.
Let’s add to this
- An annoying roommate
- An arrogant boss
- An ineffective assistant
- A colleague who doesn’t want to speak to us
It is very easy to see these circumstances as bad things, wrong happenings, or imperfections. This is a wonderful breeding ground for doubt. Now, consider this perspective: All these things are the Antagonists in our life. They are there to try and interfere with the good in our life. They are there to provoke us, move us, and challenge us.
But opposite from what it may seem, the Antagonist is always the catalyst for change and further growth.
If we did not have Antagonists in our life; if everything was planned and happened as we wished, we would probably ask what is wrong here since we are used to thinking by contrast: right and wrong.
Moreover, if there is emptiness in our life, we may turn to drugs to make things become “alive,” or “cause something to happen.” Unfortunately, some people do take drugs, alcohol or even food to cope with challenges, rather than face them, instead of turning the challenges around to bring about solutions.
Why do you think we would prefer to rent a new video rather than watch the one we saw last week?
Why is it better to face our challenges than let them remain?
Playing the Antagonist is an opportunity for growth. This makes the Antagonist become “perfect.” When we are able to see everything as perfect we can relax, feel confident, assured, and clear and trust for a better life!
Contemplation II
- For each of the three problems you listed in the “Contemplation I” above, list advantages for having these issues in your life right now. Really shift your perceptive and come to the point of seeing that each of these problems are actually perfect in your life, right now.
- Can you see what the advantages are?
- List three Antagonists from your past. (Any circumstances or people who seemed like a problem or burden?) How did each Antagonist help you grow further? Did any “encourage” you to take a new decision or change direction?
- Acknowledge one of these Antagonists for their contribution to your growth. If the Antagonist was a person, you may want to call or send them a letter.
After you have experienced this yourself I invite you to share this with a friend. Start with a major concern they have today and see if you can help them move from a feeling of concern and doubt to trust.
I’d like to hear your thoughts and experiences with this in the comments below.
