The Mindset of Confidence – Part II

In The Mindset of Confidence – Part I we discussed how confidence has been associated with many things like top human performance, being able to reach your personal goals, even having the inner strength to stand in your personal power. 

 Once more I’d like to thank my coaching school, ICA, for their assistance and inspiration for this article.

Application

One of the main things that holds a person back that is new to a particular area of their life, i.e. a new career, a new business.  This is especially true for someone in a “service” profession (coaching, personal training, massage therapy) then more seasoned coach is confidence. Perhaps they fear they do not have anything of value to offer. This could not be further from the truth. We all have something to offer others, especially our clients, based upon our life experiences and because of simply who we are.

Understanding Your Value

For most new service professionals, one of the biggest blocks is doubt in oneself. They’re usually worried that without being extensive in an area, they might not have done enough. Worse yet, they believe they’ll be called a fraud. Or what if, at some point in the session, they don’t have a solution, or don’t know what to say or do?

If this is you here’s a message for: YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER!

Even without specific skills and background, here are some of the wonderful things that you may already provide:

 Listening: Not many people really listen. Good listeners are few and far between. Most people practice the art of waiting for someone else to stop speaking so that they can have their turn. Really listening is a fantastic service to provide.

Providing Structure: It’s amazing how much someone will get done when they know someone will ask them next week: “How did you do?” By being there with them, even if it’s across the table or on the other end of the phone – you’re helping them focus their attention on what is important in their life. You are a support.

Partnering in Their Personal Success:  Many people have partners in physical fitness, i.e. a running partner, workout partner or a yoga partner. Without their partner they might not run as far, lift as much or even go to class! However, with a partner, their attention is focused on running, for example. They run more often, further, smarter, have more fun, and so forth. Partnering with someone in their personal success is a powerful service to offer.

A Sounding Board: Hearing ourselves speak out loud takes our thoughts to another level. Speech brings thoughts out into the open rather than just having a conversation in our mind. Speaking our thoughts out loud to someone allows us to “test? our ideas/thoughts. It also helps us to hear them in a different way as we can repeat back what they have just said. Putting ideas into words helps my clients become clearer. As they speak, my clients get clarity about an issue. There can be value for them in simply speaking aloud whatever has been in their mind all week. Stating an idea, dream or vision gives it a life and this gives them personal power. 

  A Different Perspective: We all have “blind spots”: aspects of our lives that we can’t see clearly because of habit, emotions or being too close to the situation. When it comes to our own lives, many of us “can’t see the forest through the trees”. Often when we get a different perspective on our lives, it comes from someone who, in turn, has their own particular take on the issue based on their habits, emotions and relationship with us. Having someone who is both an objective third person, but is also someone who we can trust, is a winning combination. Your life experience: No matter who you are, you’ve learned things that could be helpful to someone else.

You might be married, divorced, in love, out of love, healthy, unfit, rich, poor, a parent, an orphan, employee, boss, etc. You may have worked at a summer camp, played in a band, run a marathon, switched careers, grieved for someone lost. Regardless of your experience, there are things you’ve learned along your path that will allow you to empathize with another.

You can use your life experience to understand, listen, perceive, and help someone through a situation similar to yours.

Your Prior Training: You may have taken a communication course at work, a personal development course, read personal development books, done a degree and spoken to groups of people. You have a very rich canvass of experiences and skills.

 Re-framing Your Personal Perspective

•  How comfortable do you feel five minutes before a session you’re going to give?
• How do you feel if it doesn’t go as planned?
• Are you comfortable enough to invite ALL of your friends and colleagues to experience a session with you?

If you’re not, it may be because of your perspective. For example, as a coach, if I feel that a client has serious problems, which MUST be fixed, I could feel some pressure, or reluctance, even concern, as a coach, to move forward. Just as I support my clients to distinguish a perspective, and re-frame it, I invite you to do the same, regardless of your profession…yes this will take mental strength and it will help in your personal development.

You will know when you have made this mental shift, because you’ll feel complete freedom to be there for anyone. First you will need to find the perspective you are currently using so that you can then reframe it. If you feel anxious about a session, try to identify the messages that are going on in your head that are leading to this anxiety.

Here are some disempowering perspectives.  Take notice how these can also apply to our own self-worth as a person.  These a service/business perspectives and with some simple rewording, think about how they apply elsewhere in you life:

•  I MUST convince them I’m worthwhile and worthy
• I MUST keep them as a client
• I MUST make sure I get them as clients
• If I don’t know what to say I’ll look stupid
• I’m a fraud (they may think I am one)
• This client is counting on me!
• What if I let them down? If I give the wrong advice, I’ll feel terrible
• What if, deep down, I’m really not a good coach or person?
• I don’t know enough yet.
• One day I’ll be a good coach/trainer/advisor
• I really hope I impress this person with my ability (this one is especially common)

Notice how much attention you have on YOU and how you come across, instead of focusing on your client and what’s best for them. The following are examples of re-framed perspectives that can help you come from your own personal power:

•  The client must live their life. I’ll support them in the best way I can
• The client gets the credit for the work they do, and is also responsible for their own actions and results
•  I create value simply by being there, being present
• Every session is an exploration of possibilities
• I give up my need to look good
• How can I be of service in every moment?
• Life is fun! I’ll remember that when I become too serious or significant
• I respect myself as a human being and as a trainer/advisor/coach.
• I know I’ll do the best I can
• I trust that whatever happens with each client is for the best
• I give up my need to control everything and I am ready to be in the flow
• I will offer my services to EVERYBODY
• I’m going to have FUN in every session

What new perspective can you create?

Coming from a perspective of gratitude or trust will allow you to “be with” your clients. You will be present in the moment, instead of feeling that you have to quickly do something and fix something, or feeling nervous about whether or not the session will work out.

Here are some additional questions to consider for yourself, whether in business or life:

• Can you sit with a client/friend in silence?
• Can you hear a complaint and be still?
• Can you say to a friend or client: “I don’t know?”
• Can you sit and create an intention for your session or friend?

Coaching, like many of the so-called “human professions” (fitness training, massage, therapy, etc), requires a high level of physical, emotional and spiritual health. If we are feeling low, we find it hard to maintain enough emotional reserves to really be present for clients. If we are feeling physically unwell we find it hard to muster the energy to listen intently for the length of the session. Self-care is not just a good idea, it is essential to being a good “human professional.”  

It is the “oxygen” that we need in order to look after our clients. Trust yourself and continue to move forward in your personal growth. Ensure you have a support team working with you to achieve the personal success that you wish. This means of course getting a coach 🙂

Contemplation  

• Who do you know who feels completely confident and free to provide their service?
• What is their perspective?
• What is yours?
• What is your purpose as a human professional service provider and how will you achieve this?
• Write up an action list in your personal development plan…you do have one right?

If you’d like to additional information on improving your mindset, confidence and personal performance grab a copy of, “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” now.  It will affect the way you think and act, so that you can live up to your ultimate personal power!

If you’d really like to make fast progress towards realizing your full personal power and potential as well as develop the mindset of confidence, request your Introductory Consultation today!

 OK…what are your thoughts about confidence as it relates to the service you provide?  Please let me know in the comments below. 

Related articles

• The Power of Listening For Personal Development – Part II (warriormindcoach.com)
• Personal Power – Are You Really The Best You Can Be? (warriormindcoach.com)
• Mental Strength Tip # 25 – Meta-Cognition For Personal Success (warriormindcoach.com)
• Mental Strength Tip #20 – Absolute Confidence for Personal Success (warriormindcoach.com)
• The Mindset of Confidence – Part I (warriormindcoach.com)