Personal Success and Communicating – Part II

In “Personal Success and Communicating – Part I“, I discussed giving feedback vs. judgment as well as the “basic’s” of communication.  In yesterday’s post “Resonance Trance Attention For Personal Growth” I discussed the uniqueness of the multiple voices in our heads during a conversation.

Today I’m going to finish up with practical applications of consciousness communication and how it affects your personal success.

Application

Everyday the language you use is a record of who you are and what you are feeling and thinking at that moment.  It is totally and completely about you. If you stop and listen to yourself then the message that you transmitting is totally about your opinions, thoughts and feelings. It is totally about your underlying and unconsciousness beliefs. It is about your judgments, your perceptions and your perspective.

The key in everyday communication is to be aware of this and to take responsibility for your language, your state and the messages you send out. Raise your awareness of the language you use and understand that it is a reflection of you at that moment. Don‘t fall into the trap of telling someone they don‘t understand what you are talking about. Own the message you are transmitting and the response you get.

The second key in everyday communication is to remember that any messages that you receive are about them…the recipient. You do not have to take on the emotion of someone else‘s message. Whatever they say is about their belief or perception.

If you follow these two keys then you will understand that the message is about them, not you and you take it all in stride and not be offended. Instead you will give it the distance you need to be able to see the person behind it and get the meaning of the message that the transmitter intended. If a message comes out in a loud aggressive tone then check in with the transmitter to see how they are feeling. Don‘t make assumptions about the meaning of a message. Check the meaning and emotions back of the actual words.

Communicating across cultures means that language and concepts can have different meanings. It is always important to not react to the message but to check in first for its meaning as intended by the transmitter. This can lead to great personal growth and prevent many misunderstandings.

Being a good communicator is about using you mental strength and recognizing that when a person speaks, the message is about where they are at in that moment in time and the message is being passed through their filters…it’s about them. A good communicator has the inner strength to recognize that their response to a message is about where they are at the moment in time.

If we all lived by this way of communicating, we would decrease the number of misunderstandings in our life. We would also honor the person who is speaking to us by listening to them and getting further clarity to make sure their message is understood.

Contemplation

Allocate one day where you raise your consciousness and awareness around the language you use when you speak. What words do you use over and over again and what do these words tell you about your underlying beliefs, your state and your filters.

Coaching Application

As a coach, one of my tasks is to listen to the message and to feed that message back to my clients. Hearing a message spoken back to the transmitter, my clients, is a great way to raise their awareness of how they communicate and the language they use. It is also a great way for your clients to see their underlying and unconsciousness beliefs.

The language a person uses is also an important indicator of how they feel about themselves. As their coach I often share the language a person uses, and investigate the “meaning” is behind it.  This is like holding a mirror up to them for them to “see” the message they are delivering.

Coaching is all about two people communicating. It is really important that as their coach I am aware of how I am communicating and how my clients interpret the messages I give them. I always check in with them to see what meaning they are taking as this gives me insight into both my way of communicating and how they are interpreting my message. The interpretation of a message is about what a person believes so it can unlock great understanding for the client.

Recently a friend shared a story about a coaching experience. Their client was feeling challenged about caring for themselves. They just didn‘t want to stop and look after themselves. This frightened them and they felt that stopping would reveal too much about how they needed to change their life. So the coach suggested that it was like they were living two lives. The coach referred to their live as like living with a split personality. The client immediately responded angrily saying “Please don‘t refer to split personalities as I have spent many years working for people with this psychological disorder and it is not something to talk about in this way.” The client went on to talk about how difficult the life of a person with a split personality is and how they felt for them and how this use of language in the coaching really irritated them. The coach listened to their client. They didn‘t react to it, they just listened to their client.

As the coaching continued the client spoke about other people in their life that they wanted to defend and care for. After hearing this many times, the coach asked the client why they were able to care for people with split personalities, and other people in their life but not themselves. The client stopped speaking, took a deep breathe and recognized a pattern in their life. They realized that by telling themselves that they were caring for everyone else helped them to justify not stopping to care for themselves. They had even convinced themselves that no one realized that they didn‘t stop to care for themselves. They did this really well. The coach then asked how they hid it. As the conversation unfolded the client again became aware of how they weren‘t hiding it but rather again convincing themselves that they were. They were playing a game of self deception.

This example could have had a completely different outcome if the coach had of been offended by the clients comments about their use of language. However, the coach realized that this message was about the client. The coach didn‘t use the language again and recognized that for this client that example wasn‘t working for them. This was only possible by the coach creating a space for the communication to connect within.

Communicating is a bit like sending a message out into a space. A person then sees the message in that space and responds to it. By doing this, it takes the emotion and the personality out of a message. It gives it enough space for us to be able to ask questions to get clarity around it.

Reflection

• What type of language do you use in your everyday life?
• Think of a time when you received a message and took the message personally. What was happening in your life at that time?
• How does your communication affect your personal success?
• How can you be more aware of your language in your everyday communication?

I hope you enjoyed this series in communication. If you’d like to find out more about the filters of communication and how to step into your personal power and become a better communicator so that you can achieve personal success sooner, pick up a copy of “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” today.

If you’d really like to make fast progress towards realizing your full personal power and potential as well as develop the mindset of confidence, request your Introductory Consultation today!

I’d like to thank ICA for their inspiration and assistance on this topic.

OK…how do you feel you communicate?  What’s been a recent ‘miscommunication’ situation and how did you resolve it?  Please let me know in the comments below.

Related articles

• Mental Strength Tip #29 – Recovery and Personal Success (warriormindcoach.com)
• Mental Strength, Values and Life Purpose – Part I (warriormindcoach.com)
• Acknowledging for Personal Growth – Part II (warriormindcoach.com)
• The Mindset of Confidence – Part II (warriormindcoach.com)
• Personal Success and Communicating – Part I (warriormindcoach.com)