Personal Empowerment and Responsibility – Part I

Many people, when they hear the word Responsibility, immediately associate it with burden or having to carry a load. Ironically, it is exactly the opposite. Responsibility leads to Freedom. When you take on the perspective that you created a situation, you can change or modify it. With this realization comes a feeling of power and freedom. However, if you take on the perspective that someone or something else caused the situation, then you have NO ability to change it and you are left feeling powerless and resentful.

This is basis of Cause & Effect.  When you are at ‘cause’ you are taking responsibility for your results.  When you are on the ‘effect’ side, you have no personal power, you play the victim.

Cause = Results = Hero

Effect = Reasons = Victim

When we are blaming someone or something else, we are actually giving away our personal power and putting ourselves in the place of being a victim. You see, if every situation is completely the fault of someone or something else, then our hands are bound. We have no choice but to accept it. When we choose to blame, we choose a burden.

If, however, we decide that every situation is something that we created (being at cause), then we are back in control. We can make choices, which will change or at least change the situation. When we choose to take responsibility, we choose freedom.

Responsibility = Freedom + Personal Empowerment

Blame = Loss of Freedom + Disempowerment

Perspective Choice

Responsibility is not just a way to act; it is a way to view our entire lives. It is a perspective that we can choose our personal empowerment. Often we think that a situation just is. It is either our fault, or someone else‘s or maybe even just fate. It will not occur to us that we are choosing a perspective.

Instead, our view of the situation appears to be the “truth”. However, by shifting perspective from blame to responsibility, we can alter the “truth” of the situation. We can change the situation from one where we are powerless, to one where we are empowered.

In any given situation you are either taking responsibility (cause) or you are blaming (effect). It’s one or the other. When you notice you are blaming, you can immediately choose responsibility and gain new freedom in any area of your life. Whether you are blaming others, or simply fate, you can reframe your perspective from blame to responsibility and then freedom.

The Blame Game

There are many reasons why we blame others for the way things are in our lives. Perhaps we are fearful that if we take responsibility we will then be blamed if things go wrong. Perhaps we don‘t fully understand our personal power and don‘t believe that we can choose the life we really want. Perhaps blame seems the easiest way to respond.

Blame is extremely seductive. When you play the Blame Game, you do not have to take responsibility for your life. Decisions are left up to everyone else. Life becomes easier (but only in the short-term!) because there are no choices to make; everyone else makes them for you.

Playing the Blame Game can become addictive. If a person persists in maintaining that someone else is to blame for their problems, this perception can radically distort their view of reality. This further limit’s their choices, making them want to play the Blame Game even more. After a time the Blame Game becomes like a record stuck in a groove, with the same disempowering thoughts supporting more disempowering thoughts.

People who play the Blame Game may then unknowingly mentor others in the Blame Game. Families, workplaces and even whole societies can become infected and then trapped in a culture of blame.

Goleman, Boyatzis and McKee in their book, “Primal Leadership, Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence”, refer to this as the ‘open loop’. An open loop is the emotional flow between two people. If one person in the emotional loop is releasing negative energy then this can flow into the open loop making the conversation negative. If positive emotional energy is flowing then this will move through the open loop.

How the Blame Game is Played

I‘m sure you recognize the Blame Game. Here are its rules:

• Always look outside of yourself for those responsible for doing “it” to you.
• Believe that you are powerless to change anything.
• Accept that others are stronger, smarter and more resourceful than you.

How to Stop Playing the Blame Game

• Know that no one can make you feel anything without your permission.
• Understand that responsibility is a privilege and start becoming responsible for yourself.
• Accept that you are human and will make mistakes and this is okay.
• Realize that not making a choice is making a choice.

Unfortunately, what we don’t realize when we play the Blame Game is that as long as we blame other people or external conditions for what is happening to us, we have no control over our own lives. We become helpless victims of circumstance.

Blame keeps us from fully enjoying life and engaging in our lives. When we view responsibility as a privilege, instead of as a burden, we are truly awakened to the many possibilities in our lives.

Forgiveness

Letting go of blame often involves forgiveness. Forgiving others, and ourselves, doesn‘t mean that we make whatever happened right. It simply means that we let go and embrace the present. Forgiveness is self focus. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, but it has everything to do with us. When we forgive someone, we release ourselves, and free ourselves from the burden of blame. As soon as we stop blaming and decide to forgive, we can let go of that which brings us pain, and embrace the possibility of something else.

Two great processes for forgiveness are Time Empowerment® and ho’oponopono, which is associated with the ancient Hawaiian teaching of Huna.

Forgiving Ourselves

Before you can end the Blame Game you have to learn not to blame yourself. Often we are our own harshest critics. If we make a mistake, instead of accepting that this is a normal part of the human journey, we tell ourselves that we have failed because we are bad or wrong! Others may have trained us into this mode of thinking.

Unwittingly, parents, teachers and others in authority can mentor us into the Blame Game. However we got into this habit, our wish to avoid feeling bad or wrong, makes us look around for other things or people to blame.

Responsibility is not about blaming yourself. Responsibility is not about feeling bad or wrong. Responsibility is about accepting that you have choices ahead of you in the future. Your past choices are gone. They no longer matter. They are never worth blaming yourself for. Responsibility is about giving up on the chance of a different past and focusing on choosing the future.

When something goes wrong, the Blame Game offers us three options:

• We are bad and wrong.
• Someone else is bad or wrong.
• The situation is out of our control.

Next week we’ll take a closer look at each of the options.

For now if you’d like to begin to explore how to stop participating in the Blame Game go ahead and ask for an Introductory Consultation today.

Also, the e-book “Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior” (also available in a Kindle version) is packed with teachings, questions and exercises to help you move to the “cause” side of the equation.

I’d like to thank ICA for their support and inspiration for this topic.

Related articles

• Forgiveness and Personal Power (warriormindcoach.com)