Society’s definition of a man today is no help. The messages can be confusing and contradictory to your identity. In today’s world the identity of man has been under attack.This can lead to confusion and a lost sense of self.

There are so many mixed messages about what it means to be a man... and your life’s purpose is closely tied to your identity.

At one time, not that long ago, the concept of being a man was well defined by society. There were role models such as James Cagney, John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, Ronald Reagan and many more. A man was strong, tough, and lived by specific standards of doing good. Standards that somehow have become debatable… even attacked.

There are still remnants of yesterday’s man in today’s world such as The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Will Smith, Jason Statham, Denzel Washington, and Matt Damon. While some of the common characteristics of all these men might be stereotypical and even limited, they are typically not offensive.

But being a man today has explored sensitivity and sexuality and even the lines between genders have become blurred.

There is often great conflict between society’s new definitions of man versus who you might be.

So maybe ’what does it mean to be a man’ is not the only question. Maybe the question is “what does it mean to be you?”

No amount of money, no relationship, no job or business will give you a fully realized sense of achievement unless you have uncovered your true reason for being and act to align all of your life and actions with this identity and deeper meaning.

In fact I will go so far to say that you are not only profoundly shorting yourself by living without your purpose, you are cheating everyone around you and that comes into your life.

How? Your friends, business associates, spouse, children and loved ones, are getting a faint copy of you. A watered down version of who you could really be.

That might sound a bit harsh and difficult to accept.

I know…

Do I work more or spend more time with family? Do I take a vacation, or do I give work all I got and take the vacation “next year?” If 40 hours a week is 100% then do I need to work 80 hours a week to be giving 200%? After all, some of my competitors and associates were working every day. .

At birth, no one knows how to be a man. However, growing up one becomes exposed to different definitions of masculinity which ends up creating confusion about the subject. We learn about masculinity from male role models around us including our biological fathers.

Today, the quality of fatherhood has been diminished by busy work schedules, career and education, which has brought about the masculinity crisis. There is a crisis of masculinity that is subjecting men into a significant hurt due to stereotyped expectations from the society. It is vital to identify what men want to make them feel like men and realize false substitutes to masculinity.

A Battle to Fight. A man is expected to be utterly combative. Among the battles that exist in a man’s life can include fending for his family, business, and political success, or excelling in sports among others. Most men set the bar too high and end up becoming frustrated from failure to achieve set objectives. Men are also intolerant to gender, inter-ethnic, and religious competition. Emerging a winner in such battles makes a man feel good and enhances their self-esteem, but these are only motivators and not what defines masculinity.

An Adventure to Live. Traditionally, men have been known to have a thrill for adventure. From territory conquests, hiking of mountains, to sailing in the sea, a man will always seek experiences which will leave the hair at the back of their head standing! The focus is on the process and not the result. Adventure makes life more meaningful and enjoyable.

A Beauty to Pursue. Every man desires to behold a beautiful woman in their life for sex and companionship. Due to the dwindling effects of fathers and role models in young men, many are turning to beautiful women for validation. The three battles are interrelated, and none can work in isolation of the others.

The society tries to substitute the three drivers of masculinity namely, a battle to fight, a beauty to pursue, and an adventure to live with the four big lies. The lies are peddled through channels such as advertisements, family members and close acquaintances, and employers. The four big lies are based on falsified information and the promotion of false goods rather than masculinity. Undoubtedly, there exists a connection between the substitutes and the core masculine desires, but none of the former can make one feel a real man. Below are the four big lies which continue to intensify the crisis about masculinity:

Sex. It is a fact that sex feels good, both as an act and also the feeling of experiencing a woman’s carnal knowledge and intimacy. Men are not sex since the latter is only an act and thus men cannot be defined by their performance in the act. Further, sex cannot sustain a man’s self-esteem in the long run.

Power. Power is only a characteristic of masculinity and cannot be its substitute. One will not become a better man over the people he exercises authority over, just because he has power. Power can bring man respect and attention, but these can only last for a short time.

Money. Men are principally inspired to chase after money to acquire more power and win over the opposite sex. Money is only a means to discover more about the true meaning of masculinity. Money makes a man’s life more enjoyable, but his being man is not reliant on the same.

Men Don’t Shed Tears. Men are not supposed to talk about their strife in chasing after the big four lies which further complicates their pain in life. The struggle to attain the big four lies is so draining and breaks down the mettle in most men. Sharing one's struggles and triumphs with other people bring motivation to surmount even harder obstacles in the future.

The discussion about what masculinity is will continue to be plagued by misunderstandings and panicky assertions. The crisis in the topic affects both men and women which is why both must be engaged in discussions to help resolve the crisis. It might be important to redefine masculinity to help demystify the four big lies and settle the conflict once and for all.

Lacking direction, focus, and purpose is no way to go through life.

Aren't you tired of the never-ending stress, anxiety, and confusion?

The definition of the modern man is a difficult thing to define. Every person has their own, strong opinions about what it means to be a man, the values you should uphold, the styles you should adopt, and more. In today’s day and age, being a man is downright confusing.

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