Commitment vs. Trying

When I was in coaching school at the International Coach Academy (ICA) one of the best parts was the “Power Tools” section.  In Power Tools we examined the difference in behavior and the cause of them. ICA termed them “Underlying Automatic Commitments.”  These are the beliefs that we hold that we might not be aware of until a coach can direct our attention to them.

I call UAC disempowering beliefs…it doesn’t matter how they are labeled, the key is notice them, question them and decide if they are worth keeping. 

If not….get rid of them!

In this newsletter…oh yea…notice the new format 🙂  Anyway, in this newsletter I wanted to share a VERY commanding Power Toll – Commitment vs. Trying.

Most of this information came directly from International Coach Academy.  I have modified some of it for the purpose of this post.

Here we go….

Commitment vs. Trying

As human beings we are always committed to something. There is never a time, not even a split second, when we are not committed. Now this is a big statement, so let’s test it. You might say, “What about when I’m lying on the sofa watching television? I’m not committed to anything then.”

But we would reply that is exactly what you are committed to at that very moment: lying on the sofa watching television.

Now let’s dig a little deeper.

There could even be a stronger underlying commitment.

Consider this scenario: It is Saturday afternoon and you have a stack of work to complete by Monday. You know that to finish it on time, you will need to work on it all weekend. Instead, you’re lying on the sofa watching television. What might be your underlying, in fact, your true commitment at that moment?

Try the following ideas: You could be committed to not succeeding at work. Perhaps you are committed to proving that ”you have too much on your plate,” or that everyone else is lazy, and they leave it all up to you. It could even be as radical as: You’re committed to being financially insecure and there’s a real chance you could lose your job if you don’t complete the work. There are infinite possible commitments that may underlie your actions for lying on the sofa watching television. Any commitment that you have not consciously chosen, we call an Underlying Automatic Commitment, or UAC or…disempowering beliefs.

Of course, the problem is that we are often not aware of what that underlying commitment is at the time. We have amazingly creative reasons for why we lie on the sofa and they always seem so “true.” We even make sure we have friends around us who agree with our reasons: “Oh, I know, it’s terrible the way they make you do all the work. You deserve a break.”

So, why bother to identify these commitments?

This does take mental strenght and there is a lot of power in becoming honest with yourself about why you do things the way you do. This is the key to living a powerful, peaceful, fulfilling life. Socrates said “the unexamined life is not worth living”. By examining the behaviors that we engage in and then discerning the commitments behind them, we can decide whether these are the commitments we really want in our lives or whether we want to make and keep other commitments.

The opposite of living an examined life is living as a victim of life. That might sound harsh. You may be adamant, “I’m not a victim!” However, if you are not living a life that you have consciously chosen, but, are allowing life to carry you along like a piece of drift wood bobbing on the ocean waves, then you are being a victim. You don’t have to be complaining out loud to be living as a victim of life’s whims. The conscious life stops you from being a victim even if life changes.

Here is another example. You might ask yourself, “What about when I am lying in bed, unable to move, with the flu, what commitment am I fulfilling then?” You might think that you are not committed to anything at that point, that all of your choices have been removed by fate.

However, even when you are lying ill in bed there are still choices to make. And the behaviors that you choose will fulfill commitments. For example, you could choose to look after yourself and allow your body to heal or you could choose not to look after yourself and get more ill. You could choose to relax and enjoy the time to let your mind explore new ideas, or you could choose to be anxious and think about all the things you may be missing out on. Each of these choices shows a commitment to something.

There are always choices to make and therefore we are always committed to something.

Consider the example of former South African President, Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years in prison. He was once asked how he could forgive his captors. He replied: “I realized one day, breaking rocks, that they could take everything away from me, everything, but my mind and heart.

Now, those things I would have to give away, and I simply decided I would not give them away.” Even in a prison Mandela found choices to make; choices that showed a commitment to freedom, to love, to independence and to moving forward.

Applying the Model It’s very important, especially when first engaging in this kind of inquiry into your life, not to use these insights to disempowering yourself. The point of discerning underlying automatic commitments is not to judge yourself harshly for them. The purpose of getting to the real commitment behind anything we do is to give ourselves free choice. Once you are clear about your commitment in any given situation, you have your hands “back on the wheel.” You can be in control. You can choose how it’s going to go by replacing your underlying automatic commitment with your chosen commitment.

Trying

Trying can often be a cover-up for an Underlying Automatic Commitment (UAC). You might think, “I am trying to achieve this or that but I can’t seem to do it”. In situations like this, what you are really doing is being more committed to something else. If you believe that you are trying to produce a result and haven’t yet, this is an opportunity to look for the UAC behind your trying.

As long as you are “trying” as opposed to “committing”, your UAC (limiting belief) has control over you!

Human beings can become used to making commitments, which they then struggle to keep. Rather than explore their UAC’s, they begin to think it is normal behavior to fail to commit. They may introduce language, which allows them to explain their lack of ability to commit. The word “try” is a good example of this language. The word “try” can be an excuse not to commit. The word ‘try’ leaves a “back door open for escape.”

For example, a person might say, “I’ll try to quit smoking next week,” what they really mean is, “I am not ready to commit to not smoking and I haven’t explored the commitments that are fulfilled by my smoking. By using the word “try” I can avoid quitting smoking and I can avoid exploring what my commitment to smoking means.” This is a world away from “I will stop smoking Saturday.”

Following through on commitments is powerful. It builds confidence. It also builds trust with everyone around you. When you are working with a client you want them to follow through on their commitments, or you want them to explore what else they might be committed to. Once they explore their Underlying Automatic Commitments, they may decide not to change them. They may decide that their UAC is not a problem for them. This is fine. The point is that by identifying their UAC, they have the power to change. The choice is in their hands. They are no longer living as a victim of life, but consciously choosing their commitments.

Structures

One way to know if a person is committed is by looking at their actions. If your actions are aligned with your goal, it’s fair to say you are committed. One way of causing this alignment is to put in place a Structure. For example, if you say you are committed to spending time with your children and you end up spending 100 hours a week at work and come home after they are in bed, then you are “trying”, you are not “committed”.

If you are committed, you will put in place a structure to make the time available. For example, you will put immovable appointments in your diary for key events in your children’s lives. You will delegate a regular evening networking task to a colleague so that you can see your children before they go to bed. These structures show that you are committed to what you say.

Living a Conscious Life

Think about your own life. Are there things that you have been “trying” to achieve but can’t? Has your personal performance lived up to your visions? What has really been happening instead? What might that behavior suggest a commitment to? Is that other, Underlying Automatic Commitment something that you want to keep in your life? If so, great! You are living the “examined” life that Socrates talked about.

If not, what commitment do you really want to make? What structures are you going to put in place to make sure that you fulfill your new powerful commitment? How will you go about living a more “conscious” life?

References

www.nelsonmandela.org

Questions for Contemplation

• What are three things in your life that you have committed to and achieved?
• What are three things you have been trying to achieve for a long time but haven’t yet?
• Why have you been able to achieve the things answered in question one and not in question two?
• What structures do you have in place to support you in your commitments?
• Can you think of any UAC’s you might have which empower you and make your life better?

Please let me know your answers and thoughts below in the comments.