Truth vs. Fraud Part II
Today I’d like to finish up from my previous post Truth vs. Fraud Part I. I’d like to again give my heartfelt thanks 
again to my coaching school, International Coach Academy for their inspiration and support with this subject.
“The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths.” — William James
The question of what is true and what is not has been the subject of philosophical debate throughout human history. But on a practical level, we are confronted with this question every day. Truth is more than an abstract notion. Think for a minute about the various levels of Truth. On one level, there is your truth as an individual – your beliefs derived from your life experience. This is the lens through which you will be seeing your world. Your Judgments are shaped by your interpretation of Truth. Our perceptions and beliefs affect the lens through which we see the truth. Take for example, a car accident. When police officers interview witnesses to a car accident, they often get many different accounts of what happened. Although each person witnessed the same accident, their version, or opinion, of what actually happened varies depending on where they stood, or their point of view.
From a social behavioral perspective truth is a set of guidelines that we live by. We all have different truths based on our perceptions. There is also factual data but as we know, the context in which factual data is placed will be guided by our own truths. We often see this when we work with figures and financial records. The context in which we place financial figures will create a particular picture. We could place the exact same figures in another context and derive a whole new ‘truth’ about those figures. So what is true for us may not be the perception for others.
Observing a political campaign is another great opportunity to see how we create our own truths. Each candidate steps forward and outlines their truths. This information is sometimes supported by data but the context is created by the campaigner. We then decide if what we are hearing is true to us or not.
In understanding that all truth is conditional on its context, I’d like explore the role of truth in our interaction with others. Have you ever observed two people interacting and they appear to be conversing, but they are on a totally different wave length and neither can grasp the others point of view? This is because for each person, truth is different. Our perception of truth determines what we hear. Many things are transpiring at the moment of the conversation. Our emotions are involved in this.
Emotions do not come as a result of an observation or experience but rather from the conversation that we are having with ourselves about our perception of the situation. So two people can be having the same experience or observe the same event, as in the car accident above, and yet they come away with very different truths and emotions. The result of the conversation is dependent upon our cognitive interpretations and are often based on our past experiences or beliefs.
So why is knowing the truth so important to us in our interactions with others and with ourselves? It is important first to take responsibility for knowing our truths, knowing the truth about ourselves. Taking this first step empowers us and frees up energy. This is self awareness and part of our own personal development. Being completely aware of the truths around us allows us to grow and develop. Having support people around us can assist us in knowing the truth about ourselves. However if we bring in a mental coach or a friend to support us in knowing the truth about ourselves then we need to have the mental strength and be prepared to manage this. Understanding the truth about who you are is empowering. The truth about who you are can be fearful but this initial fear is minimal in comparison to the fear that disempowerment brings.
Disempowerment brings anger and blame. Knowing the truth about who you are should be a wonderful experience because knowing the truth is the beginning point of your personal development plan. Knowing your truths is knowing your strengths. Building on your mental strengths, as well as all your strengths, is development and growth. This is powerful and will assist you with your personal success.
Disempowerment is watching a plant die before your eyes. Empowerment is watching growth, the leaves opening, the flowers blossoming. It is so beautiful to watch and yet this is you, growing from strength to strength.
If we decide not to live in truth then we choose to be fraudulent. We are either one or the other, truthful or fraudulent. The results of being fraudulent might seem dramatic but being fraudulent is dramatic. First we convince ourselves of something. We change the content of the story and we alter many aspects of the story. This is not done to keep others safe or happy. This is done to keep ourselves happy.
This happiness may be instantaneous but it is very short lived. It is not real happiness. Imagine each story where you change what you know as the truth. We often refer to this as a lie. Imagine each lie. Every time you lie, it sits in a muscle of your body. It is cancerous. You create another lie to cover up the first so that you can keep going with the pretense, the story you are convincing yourself of, and it spreads to the next muscle. You are not doing this for anyone else, this is for you. Each muscle is now a lie. It is tense, it is tight. Your whole body is now completely tense and stressed. This is not happiness.
Sometimes we avoid knowing the truth because of our fear of all the work that lies before us. Do not focus on the end point. Take the first step. The first step can be to simply agree to know the truth. This is awareness, this is change, this is mental strength and very powerful.
Self Application – How to Find the Truth
Asking yourself what is the truth can be a great start to personal empowerment. It may not come to you immediately but if you are committed to knowing then you will find it. Finding the truth about who you are can also be done through meditation. Meditation is when we move into a relaxed mode and connect with our subconscious and unconscious thoughts.
In Wilson‘s book, “Calm for Life”, he talks about the brainwaves that occur when we operate in conscious or subconscious. These brainwaves are different for each state. Overtime we can train ourselves to move between each of these states. This is a real performance enhancing ability that is used by athletes and highly successful people.
When we move into a subconscious state or alpha brainwave, we move into a meditative state. This allows us to get in touch with the power of our subconscious mind. Our intuition is part of this state as well.
Our beliefs and values are part of our subconsciousness. Practicing meditation can support you in moving through each of these brainwave states. Overtime you will be able to move into your subconscious state through meditation and bring information from there to your subconsciousness mind, then to your consciousness. This will allow you to know more about who you are. Ask yourself in a meditative state to find the truth about who you are and the strength to manage this truth.
Three other great methods for connecting with your subconsciousness mind are hypnosis, NLP and Time Empowerment ® – which I’m certified in 🙂
We can also engage friends to support us in our quest for the truth. Remember that they have their own truth so be very clear about what you are wanting from them. Reassurance and acknowledgement from a friend can support you at this moment in time.
Living in the Truth
To always live in the truth requires building structures to support you. Don Miguel Ruiz in his book, “The Four Agreements”, has four agreements that he believes we can live by. These agreements support us in living in the truth. The Four agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your word
2. Don‘t take anything personally
3. Don‘t make assumptions
4. Always do your best
Each of these agreements reminds us to check in with who we are. The perceptions and beliefs that we hold may limit our ability to see the whole truth. We may be only seeing one side of the truth or part of the truth. By taking responsibility for our truth then we open ourselves up to receive others. If we are living in truth then we don‘t judge people. If we are living in truth then we accept others for who they are. We do not determine the truth about them. Rather we know that by living our own truth we are more open to receiving others. Living our own truth builds confidence and self esteem. It builds self awareness, it strengthens our focus, it supports the fulfillment of our dreams and goals.
Contemplation
- Think about your perception of truth. What are the behaviors that you see of someone living by the truth?
- Think about your perception of being a fraud. What are the behaviors that you see as characteristic of being a fraud?
- If the truth will set you free, what will fraud do?
Coaching Application
Suspending judgment in my coaching relationships is critical to the success of the coaching sessions. In essence, I must be fully conscious of what I believe to be the truth. Part of being personal development coach is also the ability to hold two or more ‘truths’ at the same time and examine them objectively. With my clients, I support the truth of any given situation by having them check their perceptions and beliefs.
The Truth and my Clients
On another level, there is my truth as a mental strength coach and my responsibility to tell the truth to my clients as I see it. That truth, in the form of objective feedback, is one of the most meaningful gifts I can offer my clients.
At the same time, it can be extremely challenging to do. At times, there are all kinds of reasons why I might hold back from being truthful with my clients: I don‘t want to hurt their feelings, it might not be the best moment, they might get angry, they might not like me or they might resent me.
This ‘withholding’ of the truth though can and will undermine my coaching relationship. If I think what a client is doing is harmful, if I see them heading down the wrong path or one they have been on before, it is up to me to tell them the truth the way I see it. Remember this is not giving my opinion, but rather holding myself as coach accountable.
As a personal development coach I must be willing to challenge my clients about their truths when I see that these truths (held beliefs) are holding them back, this is one way I help develop their mental strength. My clients appreciate this in my role as coach that I am willing to tell them the truth, no matter how uncomfortable that might be.
It is important for me as coaches to remember that, when I offer my clients this objective feedback, what I am sharing with my clients is MY truth, or what I see to be true. It may or may not be THE truth. It is up to my clients to take that truth and do with it as they choose. They may decide to take it and explore it or they may decide to leave it.
This type of straight forward caching will also lead to my client’s breakthroughs and personal success.
Fraud and Self-deception
Demosthenes wrote, “Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.”
We often think of a fraud as an imposter, a person acting like someone he or she is not. The dictionary describes fraudulent behavior as deception practiced for the sake of what is deemed a good purpose. In my coaching, this deception has shown up when my clients are not in alignment with their deepest values. Maybe they are justifying something for what they see as a good reason. Some how along the way they convince themselves that what they are doing is right or what they believe is the truth when it may not be.
In my coaching sessions, fraud and self-deception are easily recognizable when there is justifying, defensiveness and inconsistencies. My client’s can be very creative in the justifications that they use to deceive themselves.
Perception is reality, and reality is our truth. Listen carefully to yourself to discern your perceptions and how your truth is serving you. Truth is a beautiful challenge that asks us questions about our integrity every day of our lives. In my coaching, I become attentive to the moments where integrity slips, when my clients are avoiding the truth.
In the book “Leadership and Self-Deception”, the authors of the Arbinger Institute tell a story about self-betrayal. Self-betrayal leads to perceiving the world in a self-justifying way, which they call ‘in the box; perception. They outline the process of self-betrayal or self deception in the following way:
1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal.
2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. 3. When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.
4. So – when I betray myself, I enter the box.
5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.
7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. (p.102)
If you’d like support in coming to their own sense of truth about who you and your truths are, please Contact Me.
Let me hear from you now in the comments below.
(References
Arbinger Institute, (2000), Leadership and Self Deception – getting out of the box, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc. San Francisco, USA.
Ruiz, Don Miguel, (2007), The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, Amber Allen Publishing, San Rafael, California.
Wilson, Paul, (2000), Calm for Life, Penguin Books Australia Ltd, Australia)
