Truth vs. Fraud – Part I

So far I’ve gone over a few of these “vs.” scenarios to help you reflect on you life and how often a certain aspects appears and how to work with them.    

Today I’d like to discuss Truth vs. Fraud.  I’d like to give my heartfelt thanks again to my coaching school, International Coach Academy for their inspiration and support with this subject.  

How to Discern Truth From False

• Do you tell the truth?
• What percentage of the time?
• One hundred percent of the time?
• 90 percent of the time?
• And when you do tell the truth, do you tell 100 percent of it?
• Or only 90 percent of it?

When we speak we are either telling the truth, a lie, or Withholding information. Most of us have the best intentions but still do not tell one hundred percent of the truth, one hundred percent of the time.

Why?

Because if we don’t tell the truth people can’t love us! The only way we can really be loved – really be accepted – is to show who we are. To be, who we are. Once you are truly seen, only then, is it possible for someone to accept the real you. If we instead show a “front” they can only like or love the “front!” When this happens we may feel more alone than ever and even resentful.

If you don’t show who you really are, how will the beautiful people on the planet – who are looking for you – find you? They’ll see your “front” and move on!

So there it is. How can we be, us: who we really are?

How do we give people the opportunity to see us, to accept the “real me?” It may seem risky at times. But the answer is simple: Tell the Truth.

Let me ask you…

• What types of fears hold you back from completely telling the whole truth?
• What are some of the high costs associated with not telling the whole truth?
• What are some of the advantages?

Take out a piece of paper, reflect on these questions and write down your answers.

Fear Holds Us Back

The following is a list of just some of the ways fear can hold us back:

• Loosing a friend
• Being seen as imperfect
• Hurting other people’s feelings
• Discovering our own imperfections

The following is a list of some things that may be seen as a high cost associated with not telling the truth:

• Living a lie
• Taking on more than we realistically can
• Starting negative patterns we can’t get out of easily
• Being liked or loved only for our facade, rather than for who we truly are (When we come to a point of revealing our true self, we then fear loosing these people.)
• Making friendships only with people who aren’t true

The advantages of telling the truth are:

• There is a constant feeling of freedom: you can just be who you truly are
• Grow potentially as an individual
• Be a good example to your peers and your children
• Allowed to get into deeper relationships
• Develop mental strength
• Personal development

When you’re willing to access your mental strength and “dig deep,” to find the truth, and to risk sharing it, you:

• Create a possibility for true acceptance and real love
• Increase your self-expression (which feels great)
• See who you really are
• Realize what you really love or don’t love
• Progress: You grow, and see more truth; grow and see more truth, and grow more and more…
• Have nothing to hide (How freeing is that!)
• Attract those people who are ready for you and are looking for you!
• Lose those who drain you out
• Give others a gift – something real – as opposed to something false
• Create a safe space for them to tell their truth!
• Feel free, clear and honest! (How refreshing!)

Perception is reality and reality is our truth. Truth is based on who we are and what our life experiences are which create our sense of reality. As a coach, I support my clients by having them check their perceptions and aligning them with the truth.

Withholding the truth can be risky because eventually it will come out. It also takes a lot of energy not to tell the truth! We will worry about it and think about it, knowing that it could come out.

It can also be risky to tell the truth, but just as risky not to. Whether we decide to tell the truth or not will always be measured by the consequences we have to face according to the choices we make.

Building Trust And Getting Rid Of Doubt

There are many ways that we can go about building trust and live in a state of truth. Listed below are some of the ways I do this with my clients, I’m curious as to how many you can use these in your life.

• I seek first to understand my client’s passion. This will be where my greatest energy will be spent on enthusing them.
• Keep promises. Make and keep promises. This will demonstrate to my clients that I really do care.
• I’m open and honest. I’m truthful to myself, and be myself.
• I’m unconditionally constructive.
• I create win-to-win situations.
• I’m clear. I’m able to define and clarify expectations.
• I don’t talk behind people’s back. I’m loyal to those who are absent.
• I’m big enough to make apologies when I’m wrong or make a mistake.
• I take responsibility for what I am saying and feeling. I own it by saying “I.…”
• I listen closely; pay attention respectfully and am attentive.
• I forgive myself and others.
• I trust that I am wise and have value to add to my clients and the universe.

Your Turn – Reflection and Application

• Consider how truthful you are in your daily life and interactions.
• Are there times when you are more comfortable with living in truth than other times?
• Choose four of the above mentioned ways that I use for living in truth with my clients and life, and apply them to your life, and the interactions with others this week.
• In your journal document how you applied one idea and what the outcome was.
• How did it make you feel?
• How did it affect your interactions with others?

Upon completion if you’d like to come back and share your thoughts in the ‘comment’ section that would be great!

Two Distinctions About Truth

Truth vs. Opinion: The truth is as we see it. An opinion is simply a thought held by one or more individuals. The truth is something concrete and can be proven, such as the sky is blue. Opinion comes in when we try to decide what is the color blue. One opinion might be that it is a light blue, where someone else might say it is a powder blue. The truth is solid. Opinion is based on what we believe according to the horizon of our experiences. A belief in the truth does not change the truth. Our opinions are based on our beliefs and can change depending on new information that we receive and accept. Remember, there was a time when people believed that the earth was flat.

Truth vs. Honesty: The truth just is. It isn’t right or wrong. It just is. Honesty is a moral issue. Either you are or you are not honest. Honesty is a personal interpretation of right and wrong. Honesty is more of the who. Truth is more of the what.

The Truth And My Clients

So what does it mean to tell my clients the truth? It means to tell the truth as I see it. I don’t hold anything back. If I think what they are doing is harmful, if I see them heading down the wrong path, or one they have been on before, it is up to me to tell them the truth the way we see it. My clients appreciate that I am willing to tell them the truth, no matter what.

Now I’d like to hear from you in the comments below.  Or by clicking “make comment” in the upper right of this post.