The Five Stages of Loss in Competition
During competition (especially during the Open), there are times when giving our best doesn’t guarantee a win. The problem is that no matter what we are doing, there is always someone who is faster, stronger or has more drive. When a loss occurs, we take it personally and begin the grieving process of the loss, especially in a major competition.
You need to realize these emotions are good. From them, you harbor the drive to do better next time. When you’ve completed the stages of loss, you’ll pick yourself up and work harder to win at the next competition.
But what these stages of loss look like?
- Denial and Isolation
The first stage of loss is denial. There is a disbelief that having given your all, you didn’t win the competition. You may look at the situation and feel like you’ve been jilted and robbed from having the title. You may even feel that a ref made a bad call and cost you the competition. Denial can come in many forms, but it doesn’t change the outcome.
- Anger
Once you’ve worked past the denial that you’ve lost, anger sets in. There is an inner fire that burns. You may become aggressive and get into shouting matches with others. Some athletes throw balls, helmets and bats in a rage. They may also threaten to quit or storm out of an area as things escalate.
- Bargaining
The next item in the stages of loss is bargaining with a higher power. This is the belief that despite all the suffering in the world, that God’s main focus is listening to your loss and making it better. The outcome might change such as a revelation of illegal substance abuse from the opponent. You may offer to donate a portion of your winnings to charity. Go to church next Sunday. Even name drop him in high profile interviews.
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- Depression
Realizing that the denial, anger and bargaining didn’t work, you slip into the next progression in the stages of loss. That’s depression. Here, you hit an emotional low. You might begin to lead yourself to believe others view you as the world player of all time. That your time in the sun is over. That perhaps it is time to hang up your hat and call it quits. However, you need to remember that this is a single competition and the next one things might go your way.
- Acceptance
At this point, you’ve accepted that you’ve suffered a loss as a competition. You understand that a loss doesn’t define your abilities. Instead, you realize this is a chance to pick yourself up off the ground and to reevaluate your situation. You use this opportunity to improve your game face and you train harder than you do did the last time. The result is that when you enter the next competition, you are ready to take on and this time succeed.
Through the stages of loss, athletes are able to learn from their failures and turn things around. After all, people love a Cinderella story where someone comes back from a loss and goes on to win. The grieving process does this and helps you to find an inner strength that you never thought was there before. A power that ultimately leads to your long term success.
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