State Change vs. Stage Change
I’ve built my career out of helping people change quickly and embrace their self-empowerment. During my practice I’ve come to I believe that:
- That individuals need to start to take responsibility for their life. If they go to a “people helper” such as a doctor, psychologist, and therapist (or anyone else for that fact) the individual needs to take full account of the results. If they aren’t getting the results they want, ask questions, hold the provider accountable for their proposed solution, take back your power and do something beside just follow instructions like a robot.
- Professionals in the helping industry shouldn’t charge per hour as it rewards them for incompetence. Ever consider that the longer they take to get results, the more they get paid?
I’m not alone in this thinking, I’ve know people how have stood on stage at conferences, conventions and universities and passionately argued that anyone can change their lives and their situations, fast.
I and others are going out of our way to demonstrate it.
My goal has always been to prove to people that fast changes are not only possible, but are actually easier than trying to change slowly. I wanted to help them exceed their human potential and become self-empowered.
I think I’ve been pretty successful at that over the years, but it’s also important to know that…
There Are Some Changes That Can’t Be Made Quickly
In my opinion, this is something that really needs to be talked about because in our “quick-fix” society, far too many people set their sights on certain goals in impossibly short time frames. Then they get down on themselves if they don’t make it.
So which things can you change quickly in your life, and which things can you not?
Well, American philosopher Ken Wilber has done a very good job at pointing out the differences between what he calls “states” and “stages.”
States, as referred to by Wilber, are emotions and are fairly simple (yet can be extremely important) thinking and behavioral patterns.
Stages, on the other hand, refer to changes in much more complex thinking and behavioral skills.
And, as Wilber has pointed out?
“State” Changes CAN Happen Almost Instantly. “Stage” Changes CAN’T—They Take Long-Term, Consistent Focus.
If you have an anger problem, for example, you can change that in minutes even if you’ve struggled with it for decades of your life – since it’s a state change.
I’ve listed examples of various “state” and “stage” changes in the table that follows.
|
Examples of a “STATE” change (can be made almost instantly IF you know how) |
Examples of a “STAGE” change (requires a somewhat longer-term consistent focus) |
|
Wiping out a compulsion to eat junk food. |
Losing 30 pounds of fat. |
|
Becoming more relaxed (rather than stressed), alert, and confident in critical business situations. |
Learning to negotiate like Donald Trump does. |
|
Feeling deep love for your partner, even when he or she does things that used to annoy you. |
Learning to understand, sense, and communicate with your partner at deeper and deeper levels. |
|
Being “disciplined,” and even loving and looking forward to going to the gym. |
Adding 15 pounds of lean muscle to your body. |
|
Putting yourself in the emotional state that allows you to automatically be at your most creative every time you write (and making writer’s block a thing of the past). |
Gaining the wide array of life experiences necessary to write an amazing book that really connects with your audience. |
|
Having the courage to try new things. |
Mastering the ability to drive a car from scratch. |
|
Operating from the emotional states that give you the courage and full access to use the wisdom you already possess. |
Learning the skills required to become a truly world-class investor. |
|
Changing your spending habits. |
Building financial freedom. |
|
Automatically feeling confident, in control, and at your best in front on an audience. |
Learning the nuances of how to be a truly great speaker. |
|
Stopping smoking. |
Maximizing your health in the long term. |
|
Getting things done right away instead of procrastinating. |
Building a life of true success. |
However, if you want to become a concert pianist and you’ve never played before, that’s a stage change and requires you to learn and make complex neurological adjustments.
But here’s something else important to consider…
Mastering the ability to make “state changes” is a prerequisite if you dream of making longer-term “stage changes” and exceeding your human potential.
For example:
- If you dream of being financially independent, and are currently broke, you can’t get there without moving past your fears, being consistently motivated and passionate about your goals, learning to be calm and resourceful under pressure, and lots more.
- If you dream of having six-pack abs or that perfect bikini body and you are currently overweight, you can’t get there unless you can take command of your eating habits so you’re actually able to follow the best nutritional plan. You also need to build in a motivation to exercise, learn to maintain focus and discipline even if your body is slow to respond, and deal with the social pressures from people around you who are not as committed to being healthy.
- If you dream of falling in love with Mr. or Ms. Right, it’s much easier if you’re confident, relaxed, full of life, and at your best every time you meet people. This is simply a matter of being in the right state. Then, as any relationship progresses through different “stages,” there are always challenges that arise. Whether you deal with these successfully or not depends largely on the emotional command you have, and the ability to respond with love, strength, and wisdom rather than from reaction. In other words, you’re going to need to make many state changes in a relationship if you want to move to deeper and deeper stages of love.
So, to sum up this post…
In this quick-fix age we live in it’s important to realize three things:
- You really can make critical life-defining changes, almost instantly—if these changes are “state” changes (i.e., changes in emotion, thinking, and simple behavioral patterns). AND if you learn how.
- There are some changes that require a more continual, longer-term focus. These are “stage” changes. And expecting miraculous “stage changes” in minutes is just that, expecting a miracle.
- Making big “stage” changes require that you have the ability to also make the critical “state” changes needed along the way.
OK, now that we’ve covered “state” and “stage” changes, and we realize just how important it is to get good at being able to make numerous “state changes” in your life if you want to move toward and live your dreams, it’s time to move to the final part….next week 🙂
