Relationships – Focus On What You Want

I am fascinated by people. 

I guess that’s why I’m a coach.

I can’t tell you how often my conversations center on the frustration that people are having with what’s showing up in their lives.  They say they want one thing, yet something completely different keeps manifesting.

Even with all the information available today, people generally still don’t realize that they are the creators of their reality and what they focus on is what they’ll get.

People are experts at what they DON’T want, but very few really know exactly what they want. This knowing what they don’t want is so deep in their unconsciousness that many individuals don’t even realize it.

All they know is they don’t like their life the way it is.

Let’s take relationships for example.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that if you continue to look for fault with your partner you’ll find it. LOVE is the foundation for long-lasting relationships so why do so many people focus on the faults and not the love?

Why, because they are actually “projecting” their own shortcomings on the other person because they haven’t dealt with those issues yet.

What is on the inside is projected on the outside and herein is the heart of the problem.

People are great at focusing; unfortunately they are focusing on what they don’t want, especially with relationships.

Now my area of expertise is not on relationship, but the principles I’m disusing here can be applied to every other part of your life.

I’m using relationships here are a metaphor to try to get you to understand how you really do get what you look for, i.e. focus on.

So, if you want to experience more love in your life, it makes sense that you should focus on only loving thoughts.   Relationships really bring out the unconsciousness thoughts, which many are mainly based in fear.  Fear of being abandoned, fear of not being enough, and fear of…fill in the blank.

We are so afraid of these fears showing up that unconsciously we look for them in the other person.  And when we find them…oh boy…do we take them and run with them.

We knew we were right!

Then to amplify this more, your partner is doing the exact same thing!

This leads to an inharmonious relationship.  Sure it might not be this way ALL the time, but all it takes is a few of the fear projections to start to erode the relationship.

Just in case you feel that I’m not talking about you, perhaps these projections are showing up in your other relationships, i.e. business, social, etc.

You don’t need to be in an intimate relationship for your unresolved issues to show up.

And just in case you’re wondering, here are some standard excuses why people tolerate staying in a no supportive relationship.  Remember, this can apply to a business relationship as well, just tweak the examples a bit.

10 Excuses For Not Improving A Relationship

1. It’s not the right time.

2. If I rock the boat I do not have the financial backing to leave the relationship (business).

3. Marriage (business) is for life, regardless of how bad it gets.

4. I am staying because of the children (clients).

5. Nothing I try works, and they are unwilling to work on the relationship.

6. He/She just won’t listen.

7. I’ve tried and it doesn’t work, i.e.  We tried marriage counseling (business coaching) and it didn’t work.

8. It’s been like this for so long why should I change now – resignation.

9. I am fearful of what they will do, I am fearful of the unknown if I was to leave so best to stay with what’s known.

10. It’s not me; they are the ones who are creating the problems.

Here’s where it gets interesting…if your relationship is not “working” then you’re getting a payoff in some way.  Most likely this payoff is confirmation of an underlying limited belief.

You are staying in the relationship most likely because:

1. You are getting something out of staying in it and it feeds your own negative beliefs about yourself .

2. You are not committed to living in a harmonious way. If you were committed to living in a loving relationship you would be in one by now.

3. You are fearful of the unknown.

4. You tolerate things the way they are because you are stuck in the HOW and are UNWILLING to get the required support to rectify the situation.

5. You are not aware of the coast of the underlying negative beliefs.

6. You get to be a victim!   You get mileage out of enrolling people in your life, family, friends, acquaintances about how bad your lot is – very attention seeking.

7. You do not believe that things cannot get better because of the years of evidence to the contrary – so beliefs are running the show – fundamentally you are resigned to a new possibility.

8. You don’t trust your faith, yourself or others.

9. You get to remain a martyr in your life given the impact your situation has on your own well-being.

10. You need to validate your own unhealed aspects of yourself by staying in a dysfunctional relationship.

I know this can seem pretty harsh, but if you can’t coach with me I have to get your attention some how.

So, what now?

Well, if you’ve been following me for a while this will sound familiar….find your path with heat and start walking on it.

By finding and walking your path with heart you will be forced into looking deep inside and addressing these underlying negative beliefs that show up in your life as your relationships with money, people, your health…all those things that can help you live a life of power, purpose and passion!

Stop tolerating and start living!

You can do this by joining me for the one-on-one private intensive, The Warriors Quest.  You can find out more by going HERE now.