Judgments – What Are They Gonna Think?

Everyone is affected by what they see online in one way or another, but no age group has been worst affected like young folks aged between 18 and 30 years. The advent of social media has narrowed the interaction gap between a teen and her favorite model or singer to a simple swipe or tap on the screen. A lot has already been said in the press and online discussion boards, “Is celebrity culture driving our young folks to the edge?” – The lingering question remains.

We’ve never been bombarded with a constant feed of videos and images depicting perfect living as we are now. Prolonged exposure to these depictions does something to your psyche; you’re more likely to begin creating comparisons and questioning your own abilities and achievements. It is called “status anxiety”, that situation when our life’s expectations are warped by someone else’s life achievements, real or fake. This disorder isn’t entirely new; it was around even before the introduction of the internet. Back then, you could be in a constant state of anxiety contemplating what your friends or neighbors would think about you.

The popularity of celebrity magazines has perhaps taken the “what will my neighbor think” syndrome a notch higher. It has become near impossible to avoid celebrities. As a result, you can’t cease admiring your favorite movie star’s heels, or ride. Those private jets and holiday destinations that your actor loves to floss about can easily make you start questioning the essence of your Bachelor’s degree.

Judgments and Our Psyche

Status anxiety originates from judgments an individual makes. You can overthink how others perceive or judge you. Or rather, it can be about the judgment of others concerning your behavior, what you do, your achievements and what you own and how those judgments affect your life.

We all want to ask specific and same questions whenever we meet people for the first time. For instance, if you met a new friend at a party, you’re likely to be eager to know the background of the individual and ask such questions as, “what’s your job/what do you do for a living?”, and “Where is your residence?”, “What do you drive?” etc. These questions look harmless and basic – the inquirer just wants to establish common ground with the new friend. Suppose you asked a new friend what he drives and quickly learned that he spins the latest SUV but you own a 2004 sedan! As you’ve realized, these small talk questions you would ask a stranger can easily push you into status anxiety.

Small talk questions plunge us into snap judgments based on what we hear even though the provided answers offer just a small outlook of the person’s life. We can avoid this by training ourselves to ask more neutral questions on an array of topics; it can be about politics, sports, or the weather. All these neutral topics will still establish common ground without piercing pins in your thoughts.

Self-esteem issues

The opposite of other people forming judgments about you is the fear they’re going to proceed to do so anyway. What makes this to be more damaging than the judgments themselves is that the events are taking place in your mind. We can’t control what others think about us, we can only control what we think they think or our reactions to what they do. In short, other people’s judgments only begin to matter if we care. Although it is important to show a level of concern about what people around us think about us, judgments made on wrong or incomplete information or maliciously designed should be ignored.

One more thing about fairness…

Fairness is not absolute even though we’re always driven to achieve it. Rather, it is defined by how much we’ve compared ourselves to others. Have more nice things than everyone near you and you’ll be a happy person. Have less nice things compared to everyone near you and you’ll be a sad person, forgetting that there are millions or perhaps billions of other people on the other side of the world with much less than you. It might explain why Wallstreet brokers and bankers feel miserable even when they’re earning a yearly fortune that could sustain another person for several years.

Meritocracy’s 2 cents

The rise of meritocracy has been cited as one of the factors that promote status anxiety. Let’s be honest, meritocracy is valuable; it motivates people to rise from different backgrounds, some of them dire, and soar to great heights of success. But it is based on uncertainty and, more often than not, the effect is random. That makes it impossible to create a society that runs solely on meritocracy. One of the reasons is that some things such as sickness and accidents are beyond your control. And there are a lot of random events that can remarkably change a person’s life to the best or worse.

The motivation behind meritocracy is bliss and boon; people are encouraged to celebrate success but also to own their failures. You’re constantly reminded to never blame anyone or anything for your predicaments. This way, failure can really crush a person, even if it is caused by factors well beyond the person’s control.

Let’s learn from history

Historical literature is rife with tragedies that show that everyone can fail, contrary to what the press and the rest of the media love to preach about failure, by branding those who don’t make it as losers. If you read Shakespeare’s and Sophocle’s plays, you would realize that even the most decorated heroes and heroines had a downfall at some point.

Separating success and failure

According to Alain de Botton, we have a warped view of success. He asserts that no one has ever been successful in everything. Success can be achieved in any sphere but that could mean you’ve sacrificed or “lost” numerous other things while pursuing it. For instance, if you wanted to get the best education and land a lucrative career, you could need to break some relationships, live on grants and benefits, delay marriage, etc. The solution, according to De Botton, is simple: be precise about what you interpret as success and, more importantly, ensure that it is defined by you and not others.